i feel fine

by reading the def'n of Acrophobia i don't have it exactly...

but i am afraid of heights.

that's right.

oh, 

i can sit on a cliff edge with my feet dangling over and be at peace.

i can admire the height and view.

however...

i'm not so good at scaling something (rock face...wall) that takes my feet higher than my own height.

i can do it if need be.. i have done it..

but most times at some point (even if tied in) i will freeze.

i will cling with all my strength.

i may cry as i rest my forehead against the wall.

i will need to slow my breathing.

i will need to know i have a good grip.

i will sometimes come down and give up.

i will sometimes calm enough.. pray enough.. and finish the task.

i will sometimes come down, regroup and do it again.

Then there's coming down from a height.

i have rappelled.  

highest is about 30ft.

i am completely freaked out stepping over the edge, 

and good once i get going.

i have cliff jumped 

largest being about 10ft.

don't care for it.

usually i stand there staring at the water wondering why this is fun for people.

that brings me to how i'm feeling about sunday.

on sunday i'm doing Tough Mudder.

THIS. SUNDAY!

**insert scream mixed of fear and excitement**

the route was posted for us to see.

dan and i went through the event with the kids.

checking out each obstacle.

some of them consist of: 

mud. 

(mud mile).

tunnels. 

(boa constrictor)

barbed wire.

(kiss of mud)

electrical shock.

(electric eel)

hay bales.

(bale bonds)

log carry.

(hold your wood)

teammate carry.

(warrior carry)

some of them are crazy, and i wonder why i signed up for this..as do many other people.

however...

the ones that make me nauseous..

the ones that make me wonder why i'm doing this are:

Balls to the Wall  

This is definitely not the rope climb that you remember from elementary school gym class. This monster of an obstacle will have you scaling 15’ up in the air, using only a muddy rope and a slick muddy wall to kick off of. Once you reach the top you must turn around and work up the courage to descend the rope on the other side. Mudders that don’t have a rope, like to train by alternating between pull ups and chin ups.

see pictures here

Walk the Plank

Test your fear of heights and cold all in one with our 15+ foot high jump into freezing water. Mudders℠ like to display their fancy diving skills (or belly-flops) at this obstacle. Don’t spend too much time pondering your leap – Marines at the top of the platform will chew you out, or worse, push you into the freezing depths below.

see pictures here

i'm afraid of heights.

these will be the biggest challenge for me.

that's why i have a team though.

the five of us will get each other through.

i'll be praying a lot..

a lot!

how am i when i think about Tough Mudder on Sunday?

i'm FINE

freaked out, insecure, neurotic and emotional

(thank you Italian Job for the definition)

bittersweet

i lay in bed listening to my in-laws saying bye to their son, my husband, as he left for work.

and i cried.

***

my in-laws have been living with us since the end of August.

when we arrived home from our trip to British Columbia we were greeted by them.

the kids have been sharing a room while their grandparents stayed in the girl's room.

why?

well, because they took a step.

a big step.

they put their house up for sale and it sold in a few days.

they were moving to BC.

Dan's sisters and their families live in BC.

after years of talking about it they took the plunge and are moving there.

but first they had to finish work.

so, they moved in with us after their closing date.

the kids have loved having grandpa and 'crazy ol' grandma around.

last week grandpa drove their moving truck...their house contents & motorcycle... out to BC.

then he hopped on a plane and arrived here last night.

this morning they were leaving.

road trip to visit some family on this side of the continent and then they'll be making their way to BC.

but for us and them it was time for our goodbyes.

so, this morning, 

i lay in bed listening to my in-laws saying bye to their son, my husband, as he left for work.

and i cried.

i got the kids up and ready for school.

before we went out to meet the bus they got their hugs from grandpa and grandma.

and i cried.

i got ready to go into town.

I was volunteering in the library at the kids' school.

before i headed to my car it was my turn to say bye.

i hate goodbyes.

my in-laws have lived about 5-10 minutes away since i married my husband almost 11 years ago.

they have been a go-to when we needed help with a car.

they have been a support when we had our boy... and then our girl.

they have helped with each of our moves.

they have been a second home.

they have had us over for supper, lunch, games, just to spend time together.

they have been our support when we have gone through some very personal and extreme situations as a young family.

grandma has taken the kids when i've been sick or needed to run out to get something. 

grandma has been available to go for a walk with the kids and i, to enjoy the beautiful day.

we have gone over to watch Nascar, or the Super Bowl, or Grey Cup.  

if we had a medical question we called up mom.  she always had the answer for us, or we could stop by and show her the problem.

i will miss my in-laws.

they are family, and i know that we will all miss them.

a whole lot.

they have been a huge part of our lives.

our loss is the Dan's sisters' gain.

their families will now have grandma and grandpa nearby - they don't have a house yet, but it will still be closer than it has been.

the six grandkids in BC will have them near to get to know more than just a Skype conversation or a short visit here and there.

it doesn't make their move any easier though.

i am thankful for the years i have had them here.

We love you Grandpa and Crazy ol' Grandma.

we will miss you so much! 

Terry Fox Run #4

This year marked the fourth year i have been running the Terry Fox Run for Cancer research.

if you were there at the beginning of this blog then you'll remember one of my first posts about running.

"My goal used to be the 10km Terry Fox Run in September.  Now my goal is to do the 5km portion of the Terry Fox run this September.  which when I have never been a runner is a pretty good goal I think...

...i have no plans to ever do a marathon but I do want to, next year, do the 10km Terry Fox Run"

From Aug 2010: Running

over the years i've carried you on a journey of my running.

not intentionally.

it has just happened.

you've been there when i began.

when i started up again.

and when i ran each of my 5K Terry Fox Runs.

*2010 run, 2011 run, preparing for the 2012 run, 2012 run*

This year i have trained more.

my dad was going to either walk the 5 or 10K with the girl.

*he did the 5K*

Dan was going to bike the 10K with the boy

and i was going to run the 10K!

a couple nights before the run i was talking with my husband and he mentioned that within the year, since the 2012 run, 

our list we were running for had grown by 5 people.

and one of them has recently passed away.

wow.

i hadn't realized that.  

sure i knew people with cancer but hadn't realized some of them had just been within the past year.

or at least we just found out within the past year.

at the run we were all ready.

i was nervous to run 10K but dan reminded me that i ran that easily now.

still..

nervous.

off went the bikes.

runners.

3.

2.

1.

go!

off i went.

pacing myself.

i was looking for faces i recognized.

saw a few.

i told some kids they were doing great, as they ran or biked.

smiles were shared with many other runners.

past the 5K turn around.

i was now running the 10K.

i had some time to think.

about some of the most recent cases of cancer that we knew about.

i thought about Rachel.

beautiful lady.

new wife.

huge heart and love for life.

looking gorgeous with her head scarves.

I thought about Jim.

went to the hospital because he was bruising easily, and was completely worn out.

he fought it.

went into remission, and planned to marry the love of his life.

remission ended.

the wedding was a bitter-sweet day as they said their vows and everyone could see how tired he was.

shortly after he lost his battle.

i thought about Paul.

husband, father, grandfather.

second time around.

not so promising as he begins chemo and radiation.

Aunt Peg.

wonderful lady.

enduring chemo and radiation.

my sight got blurry, 

the tears were welling up.

choked up.

emotional.

i cleared my throat and wiped my eyes as i neared the end.

dan and the kids met me and finished the run with me.

i had run the 10K.

and i ran it, not for myself, but for those i told you about.

and all the other ones i mentioned in previous posts.

Thank you for your support.
One day we won't have to run anymore!

Cancer

my dad had cancer and won.

thankfully it was very localized and he came out stronger.

my friend's father-in-law had cancer and beat it.

he recently has been re-diagnosed with cancer.

now he's begun chemo

unfortunately, an expected length of life has been discussed.

i found out that a beautiful, young, lady i know has cancer.

she's fighting it.

and the fight is going well.

my mother-in-law's boss/friend passed away a couple years ago.

he had cancer.

it won.

a dear friend at church is a widow

due to cancer.

i have aunts who have fought cancer and won, only to have to fight again.

a dearly loved woman in our church fought the battle, 

valiantly.

but the battle proved too great for her weary body.

my aunt-in-law is currently battling the cancer in her body.

she is strong.

a wonderful man my husband worked with found out he had cancer.

he fought it, 

went into remission.

the cancer attacked again.

he married his love- what a day that was. 

but a short time after, his body couldn't fight anymore.

another man my husband worked with found out he had cancer, 

and has been given a life-expectancy.

one of my many 'other moms' growing up has fought cancer.

currently she's ahead, but her body's been through a lot.

****

i'm sure any of you who are reading this can think of your own stories, 

or are in the midst of fighting your own battle against cancer.

it hits us all.

it doesn't matter the cancer.

breast, pancreatic, lymphoma, colon to name only a few.

**these people are why i'm running in the Terry Fox Run on sunday**

will you support me & cancer research?  HERE

School Days round two: JK edition

The day is here!

anticipated since her 4th birthday.

it's finally here.

her first day of Junior Kindergarten.

it probably felt as though it was never going to happen.

but here it is.

yesterday she watched as her brother boarded the bus for grade 1.

this morning i was going to drive them for her first day.

she packed her lunch last night, 

both kids did.

and both were completely wired and off the wall.

they finally settled for sleep.

after some bouncing off the walls.

or at least that's what it sounded like from outside in the living-room.

*they are currently sharing a room because grandma & grandpa are living with us a for a short time*

this morning

i didn't want to get up, 

but i did and walked down into the dark, quiet bedroom.

"wake up you two, it's time to get up"

the girl rolled over.

"do you know what day it is?"

she mumbled

"it's your first day of school."

excitement couldn't flow over yet, she was a little too tired, 

but once she woke the excitement couldn't be contained.

even her brother was excited for her.

She had picked out her clothes for the day.

a pink dress from her cousin, 

because it flowed out when she twirled.

when it was time to go outside we got the first day of school photos.

*and a second day of school photo for her brother* 

she jumped and yelled "i'm going to school!", for the first photo.

off we went.

on the way i heard a little voice.

"mommy, i'm a little nervous to go to school."

i reminded her she had her brother's teacher from last year, whom she loved.

i also reminded her of a friend that would be in her class, 

and another girl from sunday school.

we parked and walked to the school.

down to her JK class.

her teacher made us all feel so welcome.  

my little girl placed her big backpack on the hook of her choice, and unpacked it.

we walked around the class to see what had changed since last year.

she sat on the carpet and looked up at me with her big blue eyes and smiled.

"i'm going to sit on the carpet."

then we went outside.

her friend naomi grabbed her hand and whisked her off to play.

Naomi is in SK, so she's an experienced school kid.

i stood there holding my boy's hand, 

i was choked up but this was what i expected.

my confident little girl.

my excited little girl.

no fear.

pure joy to be at school.

so different, yet similar, to her big brother.

i can now understand what my mom has told me over..and over..and over.

about my first day of school.

my brother had cried, it had been hard to leave him.

but i had run into the class without a look back.

she was a little me.

anxious to follow in her big brother's footsteps.

she even has his old teacher, just as i did.

then i had to help her brother find his teacher and line up.

this is another story, 

this is the boy's second day of school story.

there were tears

on his part and mine, 

as i left him at his class.

i can relate to him and his anxiousness so much.

i wiped the tears from my own eyes and left his room,

and headed to say bye to the girl as i left the school.

the kindergarten kids were outside playing still.

there she was.

 playing with Naomi. 

with a truck. 

in her pink dress. 

(and baseball cap, because her brother wears one to school)

talking to her ECE

*who is also the same ECE her brother had in JK*

she ran to me when she saw me.

hugged me.

gave me a kiss. 

then went back to making cement with Naomi.

my girl.

she has only one day of JK this week

but is she ever ready for it.

love you little girl.

you are strong. 

confident, 

yet cautious. 

precious. 

gentle, 

yet tough. 

silly, 

gorgeous, 

intelligent.

you will learn so much this year.

i'm excited to watch you and hear your stories.

i love you.

*excited brother*

School days: Gr. 1

age: 6

year in school: 3rd

grade: 1

class: 1-2 split

so this is what grade one feels like.

i'm an old pro...

no tears, not even choking them back.

i got a hug when the bus came, but that's the way it is with my boy.  

he even hugged his sister.

he cheered and danced around when he realized school would be happening when he woke in the morning.

he fell asleep quite quick.

i couldn't sleep.

*it may have been the tea i downed right before bed*

i kept thinking about this school year.

he would be grade 1 in a 1, 2 split class.

what will the scary grade twos be like?

he will be in recess with the rest of the school.

what will the scary grade 2-8s be like in the yard?  

i haven't met his teacher..

i haven't seen his class..

will he know where to go when he gets off the bus?  

will he like his teacher? 

will she encourage him, love him?  

will he be confident this year with older kids in the class, or will he be shy and nervous again?  

will i like his teacher?  

will he stand up for kids who are picked on? 

will he be picked on?  

will he pick on others?

why did i have to drink the tea?  

i could have been asleep a lot earlier.

maybe.

guess i'm not an old pro.

he does know one of the grade 2 kids, he's good friends with him, 

so that was an encouragement for me.

this morning he woke, 

had breakfast, 

we read a devotion together, 

prayed, 

brushed teeth, 

fed the cat, 

got dressed

 played for 10 minutes

got ready to go outside: raincoat and boots.

took his first day of school photos, 

brought out the compost for me

played while we waited for the bus, 

hugged me, 

hugged his sister, 

grabbed my hand when the bus came

*the tears threatened* 

and we walked to the door together.  

and off he went.

*i just realized...*

I forgot to wave goodbye as the bus drove away!

oh my little boy, 

i'm sorry i forgot.  

i was talking with your sister.

i always wave bye to you.

and either blow you a kiss or stick my tongue out at you...

i'm sorry, you were probably looking out the window at me

mommy loves you,

you sweet, crazy kid. 

have a super great day at school today.

you will do amazing.

you will make more friends.

you will be loved.

you are creative, 

smart, 

fun, 

cute, 

encouraging...

you are in grade one now.

looking forward to cuddle time with you when you get home.