love this

Good Friday

i have a boy.

he's five and a half.

the Easter i was pregnant with him i was in a production at Church.

i played Mary, the mother of Jesus.

i was being interviewed.

i was reminiscing about my son dying on the cross.

(back: Centurion, Peter.  front: John, Mary (me), Mary Magdalene)

i remember practicing my lines.

*thinking about my baby who i would meet that following summer.*

as i memorized my lines i was getting the emotions down.

i was becoming Mary.

how would i feel as a mother.

i had held this babe in my arms, 

snuggled his neck, 

watched as he learned to sit.

comforted as he cried because his gums hurt from the teeth coming through.

amazed as he learned to crawl, then stand.

taking his first steps to me on his chubby, wobbly, legs.

smiles.

laughter.

tears.

cuddles.

having watched my son grow.

and then, as a man,  truly come into the role he was meant to live.

then realizing what the ultimate fate of my son would be.

probably never having completely grasped it.

definitely never understanding it.

i was human after all.

his father wasn't the man everyone assumed he was.

his father.

his father created me..you..the world.

but i was his mom.  

and there he was.

they killed my son!

***

the following Good Friday i was holding my son.

the role i had the previous year came back to me.

my precious boy.

my first born.

thinking about Jesus dying on the cross hit me like it never had before.

it made it more real to me.
Jesus was a real man.
he had been born
(that's why we celebrate Christmas)
he had been a baby.
he had lived, breathed, walked, laughed, cried, gotten angry.
he was God's Son.
he had come to do a job.
he was going to sacrifice himself.
for the people who didn't even love him.
for people who didn't care for God.

he struggled, when he knew the event was near:

"Father, if you are willing, take this cup from me; yet not my will but yours be done."
Luke 22:42

without that sacrifice we would not be able to have such a personal relationship with God.

i remember playing Mary.
the emotions well up.
i look to my children.
even more.

would i..
no, i could not sacrifice my kids for someone else i loved...
would i...
no, i would not sacrifice my kids for someone who hated me...

thank you God for loving me.
thank you Jesus for dying FOR ME.

facebook break

GAH!

i need a break from facebook.

it's funny.

funny sad...not funny haha 

i don't do anything on there except post a status now and then and read the news feed...

oh yeah, and a scrabble game or two.

i love scrabble.

but it seems to take up a whole stink-load of my time.

i'll be going to sit and have breakfast

...oh, ill check fb.

heading in to sit with the kids

...oh, i'll take a quick look at fb.

i think i want to sit and read my new book

... i'll check fb first.

i haven't done devotions for a couple days, i should get my Bible now

...i'll just check fb quickly.

stupid.

what a waste of time.

barely anything changes.

most status updates are annoying.

obviously i do care about some of the stuff i read or see pictures of.

but the majority i didn't need to know right then.

my life is not any better for having read it.

so i'm taking a break.  

for this week.

this week from Palm Sunday to Easter.

i may not focus on God during the times i would normally be checking fb.

reading my Bible, praying, belting out praise songs..

i may be cleaning, reading, cuddling with my kids or husband..

but i need to put fb back in its place.

it is not first, second, third, fourth...in my life.

it should not be in my top ten.

but this world we live in.

this culture we live in.

social media.

it has become first for many people.

for me.

this week.

this Easter week.

i need to set my priorities.

and facebook.

you are not a priority in my life.

these two, however, are a priority.

God thoughts.

Genesis 1:27

So God created man in his own image, 

in the image of God he created him; 

male and female he created them.

Psalm 139:13,14

For you created my inmost being; 

you knit me together in my mother's womb.

I praise you because i am fearfully and wonderfully made; 

your works are wonderful, 

I know that full well.

we are created in God's image.

what does that mean to you?

create: (v.) Bring something into existence.

when i hear the word create i think of a sculptor.

a painter.

a designer.  

a carpenter.

someone who's final product has begun as an idea, a dream.

it has taken hours, years.

tears, laughter.

starting over.

frustration.

joy.

pride.

and when it's completed..

the words can't express how that creator feels.

the object is of far more value than what it is sold for.

it is created out of love.

passion.

now.

stop and think.

we are created.

we are created in God's image.

God formed us to be His portrait.

not a physical "look God has a wart on His nose" portrait.

but a display of who He is.

wow.

then read the next verse i mentioned.

a Psalm.

a song of praise.

'you knit me together in my mother's womb'

i don't knit.

i love knitted things.

i know the care that goes into something that's knitted.

hands used.

practice.

time taken.

think of a grandma who knits her wee grandbaby a blanket, or sweater.

the love and care that goes into it.

God knitted us.

that sings of care, and intricate detail.

he knew us when we were conceived..

and created us.

when we stop and think of our life in those terms it is a lot easier to sing along with the Psalmist.

I praise you for i am fearfully and wonderfully made.

wish i stopped and thought about that every day.

but i don't.

but, wow, the value one feels after realizing that no matter what

i am not a mistake to God.

may these words encourage you.

may they bless you today.

who would you be?

when i was younger i had this friend.

when we watched movies we would always claim who we would be.

i was Snow White 

(dark haired princess- at that time the only dark haired disney princess)

she was Aurora (Sleeping beauty) - blond.

she was sailor moon

i was Luna (the cat) 

haha..

  

those were fun.  

no reasons except for hair color and kind of animal.

one of my favorite movies was/is The Last of the Mohicans.

we watched it a lot.  

She was Alice.

I was Cora.

and i didn't pick her just because she was a brunette..but that was part of the initial reasoning.

i watched that movie so many times.

i wanted to be Cora.

(i also loved her name and wanted to name my daughter that...dan didn't agree)

i wanted to be a woman like her.

strong.

tough.

gentle.

compassionate.

stubborn.

caring.

when Alice is afraid Cora is her the strength.

individual.

speaks her mind.

she is beautiful.

head held high.

she was thrown into war. into chaos. taken captive.

she could have collapsed.

she could have given up.

she could have spent the whole movie saying "woe is me..life is horrible..."

she stood firm.

she hid her sister's eyes when people around them were being scalped and killed.

i would want to be her when faced with adversity.

another favorite movie (franchise) of mine is 

The Lord of the Rings Trilogy.

i read the books.

LOVED the books.

my favorite character is Samwise (in both movie and books)

'Samwise the Brave'

but who would i want to be?

Well, Samwise or Eowyn.

they are both characters whom i imagine i am as i watch the movies.

(good thing they never interact or i'd be confused)

they both have a strength of character.

Samwise goes because he is assigned to watch over Mr. Frodo.

he leaves the comfort of his home.

because he believes in the journey ahead.

he stays true to the end.

he fights when he would rather not.

he speaks his mind when he must.

he steps up to continue the journey by his own choice.

he sees the darkness in Gollum/Smeagol when Frodo cannot.

without Samwise Gamgee the ring would not have been destroyed.

Eowyn.

beautiful.

fragile.

gentle.

strong.

bold.

wants to fight.

wants to protect her family and home.

stubborn.

goes to fight.

without her the Witch King wouldn't have been killed.

(he could not be killed by the hand of man)

compassionate.

(another name i wanted for my daughter..it was on the list briefly)

is there a character, in book or movie, that you relate to or dream of being?

do you imagine yourself in the role?

who?

why?

registered: it's happening.

I'm registered.

all signed up for Tough Mudder in September.

why?

i asked myself that the other day, as i was going for a run. 

i was tired, cold, sore.

and my plan is to run farther and farther.

work on my endurance.

as one step of training.

people watch the videos of it..

look at pictures of events.

and the question i see in their eyes is WHY?

http://toughmudder.com/event-photos/miami-2013-event-photos/

when i first heard about it it sounded so cool.

challenging but as a team event something that really interested me.

scared the crap out of me.

excited me.

i watched videos.

told dan about it.

http://www.youtube.com/user/ToughMudder

then one day dan asked if we were still going to do it.

i felt like my voice quaked as i said "yeah, i'd like to do it."

he was all for it.

that in itself excited me.

we have a team forming.

my friend - who first asked me to do it - knows most of the people.

so.  

why?

1. it excites me: 

i watch the videos and look at the pictures and i get excited thinking about being able to actually do it.  

to actually get out there and try it.  

2. it scares me.  

i watch the videos and look at the pictures and i get completely freaked out, sometimes a little nauseous, about being a part of it.

*i know, to most people, that's not a reason...but it is to me*

3. it is an encouragement and reason to get in shape.

 to get this body fit.  

i had better be working on it - i am signed up.  

i am doing it.

4.  to encourage and be encouraged.

  Dan is my encouragement.  

he is excited about it.

  he gets me excited.

  i want to be a part of our team and be the encourager and in turn know i will also receive the encouragement from them as i struggle or am afraid.  

be a part of a team.

5.  to be challenged.  

i always shy away when something is a challenge.  

but the times i step out and push through the challenge i feel a confidence. 

an adrenaline rush.  

proud of myself.  

i don't do it as much as i would like to.  

so i'm doing it.

6.  to be a part of a pretty crazy event.  

i can say I'm a tough mudder.  

whether or not i complete all the obstacles 

(i'm realistic - i've got a lot of work to do to be 100% able to do some of the obstacles)

..i still did it.

7.  to rely on God.  

when i face a challenge, something i struggle with - fear, exhaustion, pain.. i turn to God.  

when i'm on a rock face, struggling to get up it.. i lean against the rock and cry out to God for help.  help me conquer my fear. 

 help me stop crying.  

help me calm enough to finish this challenge.  

help me, i'm freaking out.  

8.  to do this with friends.  

9.  to, hopefully, be 'Jesus' to my team.  

to be love, patience, encouragement.  

a shoulder, hand, arm, back.  a smile.  

a "c'mon, get off your butt, let's go' when needed.  

and not just my team.. to the others on the course with us. 

to assist when others are struggling.  

to be real.

10.  why not?

ten reasons.  

what?

the God stuff and Jesus stuff weren't the primary reason?  

no it wasn't my first reasons.  

it wasn't as until i really thought about what i wanted to accomplish that they appeared..  

they are for sure my reasons.  and solid reasons.

i'm doing this event and i'm going to give it my all, because i should be doing everything i do for God and i plan on doing my best for Him.  whether or not it's preaching the gospel or running an insane obstacle course.

so when you watch the videos and look at the pictures, you now know WHY.

me, a hater of running, unless it's in a game.

me, a mother of 2.

me, afraid of heights.

me, who would rather watch and live vicariously through someone else.

those are 4 other reasons.

i love The Piano Guys.

i feel like i need to post something.. 

but to be honest i don't feel like writing much today.

this song is one of my kids' favorite songs.  

this was how they learned about Star Wars.

Elijah has now seen Star Wars: A New Hope, and wants to watch the next one.

he now knows that Darth Vader does not play the  accordion.

haha.