mom

i remember going to church when i was younger.

it was mother's day.

over the years the mothers had received a carnation or some flower.

one year i remember that all the females in the church were given a carnation.

i received a carnation for mother's day.

why?

because. 

some were currently mothers, 

 or one day to be biological moms, 

or adoptive moms, 

or foster moms, 

or surrogate moms,

every female in the church would at some point in their lives 'mother' someone.

in some way.

we were all appreciated that day.

y'know what i was most excited about.

I GOT A FLOWER!

i was a nanny for a few years, 

i cherished the boys i cared for.  

i was not their mom, but i 'mothered' them when their own mom wasn't there.

one day the middle son..

he wasn't listening.

i sent him to his room.

he yelled at me "i hate you!"

my stomach immediately tightened, 

the tears immediately surfaced.

my little lukey..

he hated me.

i knew it was only because he was mad.

it still tore at my heart.

when i went home that night i bawled.

wow.

i adored those children, and realized how much when faced with that.

now 

i am a mom.

i have two beautiful children.

i adore them.

i fight for them.

i encourage them.

i cherish them.

i teach them.

i love them.

i feed them.

i pray for them.

i also get mad at them.

 i am hurt by them.

i cry for & with them.

i laugh at their antics.

i laugh with them.

i discipline them when it's needed.

they can tear at my heart when they get mad at me.

they touch my heart when they smile at me.

i am not perfect.

i mess up.

i get mad at them when i shouldn't.

i sometimes expect them to know what i'm meaning when i've barely explained it.

i've yelled.

i've stormed off and locked myself in the bathroom.

i've had to give myself a time out in my room.

i've had to go to my child and apologize...

and ask for forgiveness.

i compare myself to other moms.

and know i need to stop.

I am blessed to be a mom to these precious children.

they are a gift from God.

He gave them to ME.

He wanted ME to be their MOM.

i thank Him daily.

                          

 

i heard somewhere once 

"if i am perfect then i don't need to point my kids to God."

i have been learning that daily.  

***

on a similar note:

i had many moms as a child.

i had my mom.

she gave birth to me, raised me, taught me about God, loved me, cared for me, fed me, disciplined me, laughed with me, cried with me, prayed for me.

 i had my friends' moms.

they helped me, loved me, cared for me, fed me, sent me home when i needed disciplining, laughed with me, cried with me, they showed e God's love.

if i was sad, upset, hurt, excited, scared, nervous, happy...

i could go to my mom...

but also to any of these other moms.  

there were some ladies in my church who were also moms to me.

some didn't have kids.

they taught me about God, loved me, cared for me, sometimes fed me, taught me how to be so i didn't need to be disciplined, laughed with me, cried with me.

a mom is so much more than even what i pointed out above.

thank you to the 'moms' that helped raise me

thank you for your prayers, your love and time.

Happy Mother's Day

my main mom Jeanine. 

my surrogate moms 

lois.s

mary.w 

pams p&m

elsie.m

nancy.y

lynn.y

donna.b

oh wow, i know i'm leaving so many out... 

and a special happy mother's day to my mother in law.

she came into my life when i was already older, and i am thankful for the mother she is to me too.