Halloween cookies

my kids love halloween.

what do they love about it?

they get to dress up, see other costumes and get candy!

of course candy is probably the first on their list.

my friend and i get together each year before halloween and make... 

halloween sugar cookies!!

these are some of this years' cookies.

Leaves

What a beautiful day yesterday.

mid October and it felt like a late spring day.

before the boy got home from school 

my girl and i started raking leaves into a pile.

starting with my boy's first October, 

i have tried to get a kid pic every year in a pile of leaves.

yesterday i was determined to get this year's.

when the boy got home we got some pictures.

then we worked on making the pile bigger.

he got the wagon and used it as his trailer.

i raked.

then.

they.

JUMPED!

inquiring minds want to know.

today as the kids and i were leaving WalMart we saw a road painter.

Elijah saw it and was excited.

he was asking what it painted on the road.

i told him it painted the lines.

he was confused because he couldn't see any paint coming from it.

"it's not painting right now, 

it's on it's way to a job probably"

i said with my great wisdom.

"Maybe it's going to Africa."

i sure didn't expect that.

i told him i was pretty sure that it wasn't heading to Africa, 

it is a little far for a day's work.

"do they have to paint lines in Africa?"

He has a friend, Noah, who lives in Africa (Uganda) with his parents right now.

i told him we'd ask Noah's parents that question.

he seemed happy with that.

So...

Jamie & Vanessa..

are there lines painted on the roads in Africa?

an inquiring 5 year old mind wants to know.

a picture is worth...

I have a plan to write here every other day (from mon to fri)

and the other days i post on my other blog (see here)

some days, however, i just don't have anything to say here.

i always have photos to post on the other one...

but this one is to mainly share about life.. 

today i think i'll just share 2 pics.

if a picture is worth 1000 words than think of this post as being worth 2080.

(yes i counted the ones i had already written....2089)

visited by Aslan

3 nights ago.

i am summoned downstairs by tears and my little girl calling my name.

"Mommy, i saw a mean lion."

she proceeded to tell me that he kept saying Roar, Roar, Roar.

i sang to her for a bit - but she wouldn't close her eyes.

"mommy, i'm going to dream about a nice dragon and a nice unicorn."

still refusing to close her eyes.

i asked her if i could pray with her before i continued to sing.

 idea of my prayer:

"Dear Jesus,

please help the lion say sorry to dakota for scaring her, 

and let him tell her he didn't mean to scare her but wanted to be her friend.

help her sleep with good, funny, happy dreams"

i sang a little longer.

we cuddled.

finally she said she could sleep.

she closed her eyes and as i headed to the door she opened them with a huge smile

"mommy, the lion said sorry 

and now the dragon and unicorn are going to be his friend.

he was a nice lion."

2 nights ago.

crying for me.

i walked into my little girl's room.

"mommy i'm scared of the dark."

i lay down with her

she stared blankly, still sad.

i rubbed her back and finally she said

"mommy, the lion, the one i saw the 'nother night...

 i didn't know what he was trying to say because he kept saying 

Roar, Roar, Roar.

But he was telling me that Jesus died."

big smiles.

i asked if he also said Jesus rose again.

"yes, mommy.  

i didn't know what he was saying but now i know.

he said roar roar roar, but i only say meow meow meow.

he was a nice lion.

i just didn't know.

he was saying about Jesus."

Last night.

i was telling Dan about the past 2 night with dakota.

dan smiled.

"isn't it funny how Aslan visited her to tell her about Jesus, 

and she doesn't know about the Narnia stories at all."

i liked what he said.  

today.

"mommy, 

the lion, the one from the 'nother night.

he said he wouldn't be back.

i won't see him again."

i asked if she wanted to see him again.

"yeah... maybe he'll come back one day."

"one of those days....."

one of those days...
one of those mornings to be exact.
i'm tired.
the boy is tired.
the girl is awake early and happy as can be.

i went to wake Elijah this morning and he actually got up quite quickly.
his sister was already at the table eating her Rice Krispies.
i made him his bagel with peanut butter.
things were going well.

finally i remembered to pray with them for the day.
why..
why does it feel like things go downhill after you pray.

i asked them to get dressed.
i got Elijah's shirt drawer open for him - it only has one handle on it, so he has problems opening it.
i got out Dakota's clothes.
she got dressed.
Elijah didn't.

he played with lego instead.
oh, he had a shirt under him on the floor.
he then started crying because i told him to stop playing and get his clothes.
for the rest of the morning everything became a fight.

he ended up having no play time before we went out to the bus.
the kids usually get about 5-10 minutes of indoor play before we put on our shoes and coats.
if they haven't fought at all.

he whined and cried getting on shoes.

ok.
let me pause here.
i am not the angel mom speaking softly and gently encouraging my kid.
with unlimited patience and smiles.
"oh he's just tired, everything will be peachy-keen" in my sing-song voice.

i get frustrated.
i will yell when i'm fed up with him not listening.
i let things add on to other things...
something dan and i have actually had a conversation about.. not to do that.
i want to cry.
and no, i did not want to drive him to school.

so, i did try.
i honestly tried to stay calm..
i failed.
and then it snowballs from there.
am i the only one who reacts like this?
it sure feels like this some days.

finally we got out.
they usually have about 7-10 minutes to play outside before the bus.
not today.
i had him grab his backpack from beside the door and bring it down to the end of the driveway.
dakota went to play.
happy-go-lucky.
elijah lugged his oh-so-heavy backpack full of bricks crying the whole time wanting me to take it "it's too heavy."
(it had less in it today than yesterday, and he was fine yesterday)
i waited, and watched for his bus.

he was half way across the driveway, finally, when his sister offered to do teamwork.
his reaction
"no" and snatch the backpack out of reach.

when he made it and then dropped it beside our fence post he cried.
i told him i could see his bus coming.
the tears flowed freely.
i picked him up.
i had made a comment about if he didn't whine all the way he might have had time to play.
he curled into me saying he didn't whine all the way.
the tears got harder as the bus stopped at the stop before ours.

"i don't want to go on the bus."
was his new cry.
now i wanted to cry.
all the emotions from last year came flooding back to me.
i began to fear that this crazy, fight of a morning has set him emotionally back.
however,
he didn't want to go on the bus, and he cried freely,
he got his backpack on and walked with me to the open bus doors.

our bus driver had this sad look on her face when she saw the tears.
"Its been one of those mornings"
i said.
she called up his wonderful, regular babysitter from the back and she came and sat with my weeping boy.

and they were off.
i started crying, quietly, as kota and i headed up to the house.
sometimes i feel like i failed my kids.
this morning i felt like that.
i honestly try..
i pray for strength.
i know elijah needs me to be calm.. he will calm faster.
i know it, but when i don't do it..
when i allow myself excuses..
"i'm tired too" "he listened yesterday" "he's 5.  not a baby"
.....

does anyone out there feel the same?
do you have "one of those days"?
or am i alone with this?

i know i am a good...great mom.
my kids know i love them, dearly.
mornings like this though are rough, emotionally.

i just want to cuddle my kids, and remind them over and over again how much i love them.
i know independence and consequences are needed...


please don't give me advice.
please if you're going to judge me - shut your trap and keep it to yourself.
just let me know you have these moments too.

independence

Today my boy went to school with a white..

well,

formerly white, t-shirt.

his dark blue jeans have a hole in the knee.

that i noticed as we got ready to meet the bus.

his grey Finn McMissle socks used to be white.

at least his face was washed.

his hat will help his hair settle down.

when you tell a 5 year old to go pick out his clothes...

***

when my girl gets to pick her clothes 

she looks as though she is in pajamas..

she goes for the "comfy" look.

love their uniqueness...

their independence...

yet, thankful i still have veto power.

love you kids.

Thanksgiving

I am hosting Thanksgiving dinner. 

on Sunday

my parents and dan's parents are coming.

i love hosting dinners like this.

i am thankful for Thanksgiving.

why?

it is a day where i am made to think of what i am thankful for.

it's so easy to grumble.

to complain.

to nit-pick.

to criticize.

to frown.

 day to day.

it's easier to look at the problems

than the blessings.

10 things i am thankful for:

(in no particular order)

1. That God created this world, and that He loves me.

2. my husband.  

3. my kidlets.

4. my family 

(Boyles, Quiggs, Dixons, Spooners, Murphys, Stricklands, etc.etc.)

5. God is creative and has blessed me with creativity.

6. i have a house to live in.

7. my dad beat cancer.

8. autumn.

9. that Elijah loves school this year.

10. turkey dinners :)

i need to remember to be thankful all year round.

but i am thankful we have this weekend to focus on the blessings in our lives, 

because sometimes i forget to be thankful on a regular day.

What are some things you're thankful for?

Elijah's brought this home from school.  He figured out how to spell each of our names on his own.
Love how he spelled daddy

Dakota's work for Cubbies.
She had to draw the 6 days of creation.
in #1 it's a light bulb.  in #3 it's land..the big orange blob is a high mountain and the thin circle lines are the echo.

grey

Grey.

i have hair that color.

not a lot.

but they're there.

i don't plan on dying my hair just because of those hairs.

if i dye my hair i want it to be just because i want to.

i've had black hair, 

i've allowed my natural brown to stay, 

i've had red hi-lites, 

i've had hair with a burgundy tint, 

i've had a bleached portion of my hair.

i've done sun-in in sections.

i've had a 'q-tip' looking perm.

i've had a boy-cut.

i've had dreadlocks.

i guess i can now add that my hair has some natural red hi-lites 

with a grey accent to it.

by the way.

my dreads are out.

i miss them.

but no matter what.

if i dye it.

if i dread it.

it'll stay long.

i want long grey hair.

no short, permed, grey hair for me.

i'm kind of thinking of having grey dreads one day.

Grey hair is a crown of splendor, 

it is attained by a righteous life.

 Proverbs 16:31

The glory of young men is their strength,

grey hair the splendor of the old.

Proverbs 20:29

**i don't think of myself as old... although i am only 3 years away from 40.  haha! isn't that considered ancient?**

celebrate the little things

BAH!

i just wrote an entry and then deleted it all.

why?

because i just couldn't share it.  too personal.

i titled this entry before i started typing, but the entry took on a life of it's own.

i spilled my heart out.

and didn't get to the point of the title.

maybe next time i'll share it, but this entry is something else i want to share.

the other day 

last wednesday, to be exact.

i cheered for the day, 

as the kids and I were having breakfast.

i cheered and titled the day:

Woot Woot Wednesday!

the kids laughed.

i told them why it was 

Woot Woot Wednesday.

it was a day for :

Elijah to go to school.

Dakota to go to music class.

Pizza night!

Elijah to go to Streetwise 

(the church mid-week program for his age)

Dakota to go to Cubbies 

(church mid-week program for her age)

therefore, 

Woot Woot Wednesday!!

Dan and I were discussing the idea of celebrating the little things.

not: "Yay, Little Joey ate a ham sandwich!!"

unless, of course, little joey always refused a ham sandwich before.

but allowing them to be proud of things they accomplish,

or things that they enjoy.

we want to celebrate with them.

starting with little things that happen 

so that when bigger things happen they know they can be proud of themselves, 

or others.

and can celebrate.

so when elijah wants daddy to play the 'frisbee game' on his iphone,

and elijah gets excited that daddy won the level.

dan will encourage that cheering.  

or when dakota climbs up on the top of our massive dirt hill

i will cheer from down below, 

as she raises her hands and yells 

"i did it!"

I want my kids to be excited about life, 

and what it has to offer.

i want them to not be afraid to show excitement,

just because the rest of the world seems to think life is humdrum.

God created my children with amazing abilities and passions..

i am looking forward to seeing those grow, 

and i want them to seek those whole heartedly.

when i am on stage i can laugh, jump, be a goof, dance..

whatever.

but, 

when i'm myself.

when i'm Michelle.

i get afraid of what others are going to say, or think.

i want to be like my kids,

love life, 

laugh easily, 

dance like a fool, 

so while they're kids 

i will do all that with them,

and encourage them to do it, 

so as they grow older

maybe they won't be afraid to celebrate the little things.

**by the way, last Wednesday Elijah told me "Mom, you're a Woot Woot Wednesday"**