the one i thought about while out for my run.

my dad bought me a book for mother's day.

the book was titled: Born to Run.

see here for book info.

i haven't read it yet. 

i will though, it sounds pretty fascinating.

i was excited to get this book.

i thought it was funny that i was excited.

it was a book about running.

but i hate running...

when i was a kid i hated running unless it was a race with a friend for fun.

unless it was in another sport, like soccer, baseball, football, rugby, frisbee...

i did track.

in grade school.

i ran the 100m, 200m, 400m, 1500m.

the 1500 nearly killed me!

i never did it well.

i never did it because i enjoyed it.

i enjoyed hurdles.

i enjoyed long jump and triple jump (i know it's not a real event).

i HATED running.

when i first got married to a man who enjoys running, i tried it out.

it's supposed to be good for the body.

gave up.

so not worth it.  let me go for a nice long walk.

i had a kid.

i hated the baby belly.

hubby recommended running as one form of exercise.

tried it.

hated it.

gave up.

i had a second kid.

i hated the baby belly on top of previous baby belly.

hubby recommended running as one form of exercise.

tried it.

knew it was a good idea.

The Terry Fox run is something i had always wanted to do.

but i hated running.

i read, watched, heard somewhere that Terry Fox didn't like running.

i don't know if it's completely true, but if he could run it there was no reason why i couldn't.

i began running..

hating it.

dreading it.

i ran/walked the 5km terry fox run.

didn't run again until the next summer.

ran the 5km (a couple very short walks within it) terry fox run.

didn't run again until the next summer.

i ran the 5km!

it hurt.

i did feel good after a run..

when i wasn't gasping for breath.

i liked the sore muscles - - yes, that's strange, but i really do.

we decided to do Tough Mudder this Sept.

i have no endurance.

i also wanted to do the 10km Terry Fox in Sept.

then i decided i wanted to do our town's 10km run (www.huntsvillehalf.com) 

what?

was i crazy?

training began in January.

outside.

in the snow.

in the cold.

i have worked up from dying at a 2km run to dying at a 8.5km run.

my minimum run is now a 5km.  

i find myself enjoying my run - most days.

finding that i can push myself that little bit further.

sometimes even picking up my speed and trying to sprint at the last 100m or so.

sometimes i look at other people out there running and think 

"oh, i hope i don't look like that."

sometimes i look at other people out there running and think

"oh, i wish i looked like that when i run."

when i run i sometimes try not to trip over my own feet.

my arms and shoulders are not always relaxed.

my strides are short, then long, then short.

my breathing isn't steady, and i'm trying to catch my breath.

sometimes i started out feeling great and ran faster than my body wants to do for the whole distance.

my face, neck and sometimes arms go a blotchy red... even when i feel i've had a great run.

but i'm running.

and i'm enjoying it.

i feel great.

i love the muscle pain because i know i've earned it.

i am running for my own health.

i'm running for my kids, as an example of staying active and having energy to play with them.

i'm running for my dad.  who runs the terry fox run with me.

i'm running to be able to have the endurance to make it from event to event at Tough Mudder.

i realized when i picked up that book on Mother's day, 

and was excited about it, 

that i don't hate running anymore.

i enjoy running.

there.

public confession.

(i have the right to withdraw my confession while on my 9km run this weekend)

cherished moments

this was my status on facebook the other day.  

thought i'd share it with you all 

(again, for fb friends)

Part 1:

the little girl and her mom were about to say prayers before bed. 

the little girl looked at mom, "you still love me even when i hurt my knee." 

(the little girl had fallen and hurt her knee earlier that evening) 

mommy smiled at her as she put her arm around her. 

leaning to whisper to her little girl, "mommy loves you even when you get mad at me." 

little girl smiled her huge, joyful, smile... 

then started to giggle for reasons only the little girl knew.

Part 2:

the boy came out of his room to see what mom was doing. 

She told him he needed to go to bed. 

he said that he wished that there was no night so that he could stay out here and only need to take long naps.
"when you get older you'll be allowed to stay up later." said mom
the smile formed on the boy's face "will i still be with you when i'm allowed to stay up?"
mom nodded, "yep. you'll still be with me. but you may not want to be with me." 

confusion crossed the boy's face.
"why not?"
mom looked into his beautiful blue eyes, and told him, 

"some kids don't want to be with their parents when they get older."
the boy smiled at his mom, his eyes shining, "i'll want to be with you."
the mom's heart warmed as he continued "i'll always want to be with you."
wow, mom adores her little boy so much.

mom

i remember going to church when i was younger.

it was mother's day.

over the years the mothers had received a carnation or some flower.

one year i remember that all the females in the church were given a carnation.

i received a carnation for mother's day.

why?

because. 

some were currently mothers, 

 or one day to be biological moms, 

or adoptive moms, 

or foster moms, 

or surrogate moms,

every female in the church would at some point in their lives 'mother' someone.

in some way.

we were all appreciated that day.

y'know what i was most excited about.

I GOT A FLOWER!

i was a nanny for a few years, 

i cherished the boys i cared for.  

i was not their mom, but i 'mothered' them when their own mom wasn't there.

one day the middle son..

he wasn't listening.

i sent him to his room.

he yelled at me "i hate you!"

my stomach immediately tightened, 

the tears immediately surfaced.

my little lukey..

he hated me.

i knew it was only because he was mad.

it still tore at my heart.

when i went home that night i bawled.

wow.

i adored those children, and realized how much when faced with that.

now 

i am a mom.

i have two beautiful children.

i adore them.

i fight for them.

i encourage them.

i cherish them.

i teach them.

i love them.

i feed them.

i pray for them.

i also get mad at them.

 i am hurt by them.

i cry for & with them.

i laugh at their antics.

i laugh with them.

i discipline them when it's needed.

they can tear at my heart when they get mad at me.

they touch my heart when they smile at me.

i am not perfect.

i mess up.

i get mad at them when i shouldn't.

i sometimes expect them to know what i'm meaning when i've barely explained it.

i've yelled.

i've stormed off and locked myself in the bathroom.

i've had to give myself a time out in my room.

i've had to go to my child and apologize...

and ask for forgiveness.

i compare myself to other moms.

and know i need to stop.

I am blessed to be a mom to these precious children.

they are a gift from God.

He gave them to ME.

He wanted ME to be their MOM.

i thank Him daily.

                          

 

i heard somewhere once 

"if i am perfect then i don't need to point my kids to God."

i have been learning that daily.  

***

on a similar note:

i had many moms as a child.

i had my mom.

she gave birth to me, raised me, taught me about God, loved me, cared for me, fed me, disciplined me, laughed with me, cried with me, prayed for me.

 i had my friends' moms.

they helped me, loved me, cared for me, fed me, sent me home when i needed disciplining, laughed with me, cried with me, they showed e God's love.

if i was sad, upset, hurt, excited, scared, nervous, happy...

i could go to my mom...

but also to any of these other moms.  

there were some ladies in my church who were also moms to me.

some didn't have kids.

they taught me about God, loved me, cared for me, sometimes fed me, taught me how to be so i didn't need to be disciplined, laughed with me, cried with me.

a mom is so much more than even what i pointed out above.

thank you to the 'moms' that helped raise me

thank you for your prayers, your love and time.

Happy Mother's Day

my main mom Jeanine. 

my surrogate moms 

lois.s

mary.w 

pams p&m

elsie.m

nancy.y

lynn.y

donna.b

oh wow, i know i'm leaving so many out... 

and a special happy mother's day to my mother in law.

she came into my life when i was already older, and i am thankful for the mother she is to me too.