goals accomplished.?

So, i have the day to myself.
the kidlets are with my parents.
hubby is at work.
i slept in (8am).
i got groceries...some still need to be put away.
i ate lunch then folded laundry, while watching Numb3rs on Netflix.
i then put a few more groceries away.
finally i headed down to work on a tile mosaic i'm working on for our bathroom.
i have the music blaring...my fave way to work.
i have my tea...yummy.

while singing, just as loud as my accompaniment...
(Counting Crows, Coldplay, John Mayer and friends)
I also do some thinking.

I am a multi-tasker!

i love photography.
i love reactions to photos i took.
i love being creative.

my dream growing up was to be a wife and mom.
my goal in life was to follow God, and live for Him.

done...and done...(well, work in progress for the goal)

what happens now?
.....
what happens when the dreams i had have happened..
did i dream too small?
should i have been dreaming that as a wife and mom i was going to do more?
should my goal instead of following God and living for Him have been to change the world?
i am creative.
i have never questioned that.
but when it comes to dreams and goals i feel as though my creativity doesn't come thru.
i don't dream big enough.

i'm afraid of failure.
i don't know how far it goes back, but i fear failing.
i am 37 years old and my biggest fear is failure.
i am petrified to step out and do something that i may fail at.

so now it comes down to my dream that maybe i could do something with photography.
what an awesome thing to do as a stay at home mom.
today i started feeling like 'what's the point?'
everyone with a camera and a good photoshop program can take amazing photos now a days.
i have a nice camera..only the lens it came with... and no photoshop program.
- - currently those cost money.
i hate money.

see my excuses.
why i shouldn't keep going.
i will always have excuses..
it keeps me from failing in the end.
don't pursue, and i won't disappoint.

i almost didn't audition for our church's Christmas Play way back..
my friend (worship pastor's wife) encouraged me to do it and actually phoned her husband and booked my audition time.
I had no excuse.
i have been doing the plays ever since.. and anything else with drama in our church that i can.
i believe i'm good at it.
i am passionate about it.
that's how i feel about photography.
expressing myself.

so... i was feeling pretty crappy.
i was sitting here typing this blog entry when our crazy beast of a dog jumped up and barked.
Barb was at my door.
i had done a head shot for her.
she brought me the program, from the play she did wardrobe for.
with the head shot in it.
she came to encourage me.
thanks Barb.
you're the best.
i do feel encouraged.
you have done nothing but encourage me in 2 areas i feel as though i am gifted.
drama and photography.

so, that's that.