July 25 2015
7:20am (approx.)
heading out to run the 14k loop of The Limberlost Challenge almost 3 full times.
(we were going to do the first loop full, the second loop only 12k, and the third loop full)
and out we headed.
i had not slept well all week.
purely my own fault.
i went to bed late each night, except the night before, and then i couldn't fall asleep.
i was tired.
i was nervous.
i had done 26k and felt pretty good.
i had raced one loop and felt amazing.
three loops.
that was scary.
one loop at a time.
i wanted to think of it like that.
it was hard to do.
i took it easy on the way out.
i was excited and wanted to speed up a little,
but also had to remember i needed to slow it down and pace myself so i didn't die on loop three.
the first 10k or so were hard.
*usually when i head out on a run the first 5k are hard but then i get into a rhythm.*
at the one lake - dan knows all the names, i do not - there is a beautiful chair and foot rest.
i had dan take a photo of me on it during the first lap.
because i knew i'd be able to get back up and keep running.
i knew if i waited until the third lap i wouldn't be getting back up.
what a wonderful - - brief - - moment.
The Limberlost trails are absolutely gorgeous.
and during the first lap i was able to look around and truly enjoy it all.
we decided to take the second loop in reverse.
change it up a little.
make it new again.
it was also our short loop.
dan carried Chester with him for the second loop so i would have some pics of me running the trail.
you get a few glimpses of the beauty of the trail.
the whole run seems a blur now.
I have had to ask dan repeatedly;
"about when did i stub this toe?"
"how long would you say i was loving it?"
"how far in did i hit the wall?"
"how long did i walk, do you think?"
"when did i begin enjoying it again?"
"when did i stub the other toe?"
"when could you tell i was at the end of my strength?"
about 24k in to the run.
2k left in the second loop.
i realized the last 400m was on a road.
the road to the car.
i didn't want to run on a road.
at all.
it was like that thought brought with it the worst discouragement.
all the pain my body was feeling,
the soreness, the tiredness,
the stubbed toe, the rolled ankles,
the sore back.
it all hit me at once.
i wasn't going to be able to run another whole loop.
i wasn't going to be able to do it.
i wanted to cry,
maybe i did.
i slowed to a walk.
i think i stubbed something, or rolled something, or hit something...
i don't remember.
i just remember the weight of defeat stopping me.
i couldn't do it.
i walked for a while.
the first loop dan had been up ahead.
i kept losing him.
he was having so much fun running the trail.
so was i, and i didn't care if he was right with me or not.
it was enjoyable.
when we began the second loop he stayed closer.
but in front of me.
i could always see him.
when i began walking he came back and checked on me,
heard my discouragement.
he didn't say much.
but he continued on, keeping me within his sight whenever he turned around.
i didn't want him right with me.
i was disappointed in me enough.
i was discouraged enough.
i didn't need his encouragement - it would have made me feel worse.
i walked along.
wrestling with myself.
i knew it would be hard.
i knew i would get discouraged.
i knew i would hurt.
i knew i hadn't trained enough, but i couldn't change that now.
so i walked.
continued walking.
continued moving forward.
until the lookout.
there i stopped.
i let the breeze hit my face.
i let the aches and pains rest for a moment.
i looked out at the water.
the trees.
i said hi to God.
He and i hadn't chatted on the run at all.
so i said Hi to him with tears in my eyes.
that was it.
just Hi.
Dan waited for me.
honestly, i only stopped for about a minute.
no more.
but that minute was what i needed.
we ran the rest to the road.
i wanted to walk the road, but because the road also began the last loop i had the option to walk it now or on the last loop.
i ran the road back to the car, and actually ran past the car to the outhouse, with way more speed than i thought i could muster.
i changed shoes and socks for the last loop.
dan refilled my hydration pack.
refilled his pack with some snacks for the last loop.
and we were off.
walking the road.
i would not run it at all.
not a chance.
when we got to the trail
it was as though i had this new energy.
it was exciting to be on it again.
i was still slow.
but in my head i was thinking maybe i could make this last one my fastest one.
i was going to try.
i ran up some of the smaller hills.
when dan noticed it i told him what my goal for the last lap was.
so on our way we went.
but i was tired.
my feet weren't lifting as high as they had been.
i was slightly tripping here and there.
my feet were grazing the roots or rocks more.
it got hard again.
the huge downhill i had loved on the first loop, just past 11k, wasn't as fun.
it was painful.
but i kept on.
kept chatting with dan.
i was going to complete it, and i knew it.
even though i was going so slow.
then it happened.
we only had about a kilometre left i believe.
i stepped onto 2 logs to cross some mud.
my right foot slipped between them and my left foot sunk right into the mud.
as soon as my foot hit the mud...
immediate tears.
my right ankle hurt but the foot in the mud was all i could see through the tears.
my right ankle had rolled months ago and i still had issues with it now and then.
when it slipped it hurt so much.
i stood there
on the logs
crying.
sobbing.
dan came back to me
*he had never been far from reach*
and he took my hand.
we walked off the log bridge together and up the hill.
he didn't let go until i loosened my grip.
on the next hill he took my hand again.
he was the strength, i needed, helping me up.
i let go at the top of the hill
and hobbled/ran down and continued on my way.
he didn't take off ahead until we were near the car and that's because he knew i wanted him to be ready to stop the time as soon as i finished.
i wanted to finish strong.
i tried to run the last tiny hill,
but i couldn't.
i walked it and ran out of the trees.
i continued on across the field to dan waiting at the car.
8h17m
i had just run a 40k trail run.
and turned 40 all on the same day.
i didn't cry.
i was all cried out.
after the run i gulped my Vitargo Post that we bought at the Sport Lab
and we went for frosty's at Wendy's.
then home to my 'surprise' birthday party
*i say surprise but my little girl told me that lots of people were going to be at our house for my birthday*
full of family, friends, slacklinening, food, ice cream cakes, and live music by Deni Gauthier.
it was a great evening to end my birthday.
it was a hard run.
it has taken a few days to actually process the event in my mind.
it was highly emotional.
it was a mental endurance as well as physical.
i felt on the verge of tears for the first couple days after it.
i didn't want to really talk about it much with anyone.
one night it was as though the dam broke and i cried.
i cried hard.
and i talked with dan about everything i felt and went through on that run.
the next day i was good to go.
in fact while i was sweeping the living room i had a brief thought
"i should maybe go for a run tonight."
yeah... maybe not yet.
what, are you crazy?
*photos taken by me & dan q.
with Chester
*last 2 photos taken by elisa m.
with Gertie.
