Visiting the Nursery

My little girl and i went to the Nursery.

Sandhill Nursery, to be exact.

Yesterday afternoon.

later this week, 

at the end of the school day

my friend and i were hoping to take our 5 kids

but yesterday i decided to bring my little girl to go check it out.

the theme this year is safari.

Hay animals.

Maze.

(no photos of this)

pumpkins...

lots of pumpkins.

and of course the donkeys.

we had a great time.

Cirque du Soleil: Amaluna

on saturday i had date night with my hubby.

we drove to Toronto

after a stop at my parents' apt. we were on our way.

First stop: Tuckers Marketplace for supper.

where is it?

it used to be there.

oh well...

Boston Pizza for supper.

mmm cactus cut potatoes.

Then to the Big Top.

parking.. no problem.

we were fifteen minutes early

(for entering the outer tent..so 75 mins. early for the show.)

we walked around the streets, 

just checking out the area.

The Toronto Skyline looked amazing.

storm clouds overhead, with some sun fighting through to reflect off some windows.

i didn't bring my camera - 

no photos allowed in the show and i wasn't going to leave it in the car. 

Into the outer tent.

and yes, that's what it was.

ooohhh i love the circus feeling.

Cirque du Soleil gave that feeling but so much more too.

i was there not to watch a variety of acts...

but to watch a performance.

after a chilly wait outside for out door to open.

we were in.

i entered into a different world.

i, honestly, can't describe it.

(believe me, i tried and then had to delete it since it didn't do it justice)

Then it began.

the characters began to mingle in the crowd.

peacocks, drums, clowns, lizard (?)

so much to see, not enough eyes to see it.

a story woven together through circus style performances.

laughter..

mouth dropping awe...

teeth clenching nervousness...

wanting to see everything, but missing some.

Live music, 

playing with the performance, 

guiding it, yet, following it.

i tried.

i don't know how to explain it.

go see one and you'll understand.

the problem with a production like that is..

it has to end.

i anticipate, 

i am in awe

it ends.

we wanted McDonalds Milkshakes on the way back to my parents'.

first location:  

"our system is currently down for 5 - 10 minutes" 

second location:

"we are currently have no milkshakes"

third location:

success!

we wanted to stop at a 4th McDonalds just to see if they could give us milkshakes.

what an amazing date night.

thank you daniel for those tickets.

thank you for loving the arts as i do.

*sorry no pics of the night*

Cirque

This weekend I have the opportunity to go see

Amaluna.

i am so excited.

i have been wanting to see a Cirque du Soleil for a while.

My amazing husband got tickets for my birthday

and this Saturday we go.

a song for September.

This song makes me smile.

simple as that.

hope it makes you smile too.

Terry Fox Run 2012: completed

Sunday was the Terry Fox Run

my parents came up to be here for it.

the plan:

my dad would walk the 5km with Dakota in the running stroller.

Dan would bike with Elijah the 10km.

I would run (no dog this year) the 5km.

*I made my decision*

Sunday morning Dan went down to check out his bike, 

and make sure all the tires, bikes & stroller, had air.

while he worked on the bike the kids went to the basement to join him.

from the basement a noise is heard.

SMACK!

then comes the noise of a child crying...

no, crying is not the word..

screaming.

i knew dan was down there, so i didn't run down.. 

and he didn't call for me. 

when the scream/crying didn't subside i headed on my way down.

He had Elijah in his arms.

the wailing was from our son.

his nose was bleeding and his lip looked as though some of that blood was from it.

We got him upstairs and i sat with him on the couch.

we iced.

he cried.

"mommy, i wish this was after."

after the terry fox run, that is.

he was definitely not feeling up to biking with daddy.

but he wanted to still.

by 10:15 we were on our way to the high school.

with bikes loaded up.

Dan brought his running shoes just in case elijah decided to sit with gramma.

the tears continued.

the blood stopped.

the lip stopped growing.

Elijah didn't want to ride.

correction.

he wanted to ride.

he just didn't feel good enough to ride.

tears stopped but were right there, waiting..

he sat with gramma.

i gave him a hug before we headed out on the run.

"i love you" i said.

"love you too" through tears starting again.

"i wish i could do it." he said..as my tears started...

and...

we were off...

dan and i running, 

me fighting tears.

dakota with papa.

i was so thankful i had dan running with me.

we talked most of the run.

and...

i RAN 5KM.

the past years I walked small sections 

this year i didn't walk once.  

i did it.

we did it.

my dad did it.

elijah is going to ride his bike next year, he says.

bottom right: i'm running for - (and with) my dad.  for Jack Verzyden. for Dr. Hillier.

holding back tears.

we did it. 

dad and kota finishing up.

our terry fox run team this year.

i have a daughter.

i'll be honest.

i always wanted boys.

if i had to have a daughter i wanted her second.

but i wanted my son first.

i was a second, and last, child.

i had an older brother.

if i had to have a girl i wanted her to experience having an older brother.

if i had to have a girl.

i wanted boys.

only boys.

i had a boy first.

"it's a girl"

i heard after the second labor experience.

i actually paused in my reaction.

they were the words i, honestly, expected

but not the words i wanted to hear.

i had a girl.

oh crap..that means girl puberty.

that means girl crazy emotions.

i pray my daughter grows into a woman who seeks God

i pray she has confidence, strength, beauty...

i pray she knows her beauty is in her character not her physicality.

i need to be that example.

oh crap.

i adore my daughter.

she easily laughs.

she easily smiles.

she hugs.

she giggles.

she has crazy energy.

she is adventurous.

she is fearful.

she loves to sing.

she loves to dance.

she has an amazing imagination.

she adores her older brother.

she wants to do everything her older brother does.

she is shy.

she is social.

she loves jokes.

she needs mommy when she is sad.

we have been spending tons of time together since her brother has been in full time school.

i don't know why i, ever, hesitated in responding.

I have a daughter.

i have a beautiful, crazy, adorable girl.

she had my heart when i saw those awesome huge blue eyes.

I love you 'kota-girl'.

don't ever doubt that.

Batman

My little boy was playing with his Batman and his Metroman figures.

he liked that they were both good guys who stopped the bad guys.

after playing for a while he had to come get his shoes on to go to meet the schoolbus.

He walked into the kitchen, looked at batman and then up at me.

E: "Mommy i wish we had Batman where we live."

Me: "oh yeah.  what does batman do?"

E: "he stops the bad guys"

M: "We have people in our town that do that, they're just not batman."

he just looked at batman again, and then, questioningly, at me.

M: "what do the police do?"

E: "i don't know."

M: "do they stop bad guys?"

E: "yeah."

M: "so we don't need batman do we?"

a little smile formed and he looked at batman again.

E: "No."

Thank you to our 'fighters of crime'

side note: this was two days ago.  

he loves batman because he fights the bad guys.  

today he ran either 'fight club' or 'mortal kombat' with is toys.  

all i heard was "Ok...FIGHT!"

too funny.

Terry Fox Run 2012

This coming Sunday is the Terry Fox Run.

i have run the 5km the past 2 years and was determined to work myself up to the 10km.

i started training to do the 10km.

i was on a roll.

i was at about 7km.

i haven't run in 2 months. 

i allowed things to get in the way with my training.

i don't know if i'll run the 10km.

i may debate it even up to the day.

last year i ran 5km (with the dog)

Dan and elijah biked the 10km.

my dad pushed dakota while running the 5km.

(See here for last year's post)

little did we know, at the time, that dad had cancer in his neck.

it was, thankfully, treatable.

i watched my dad endure the chemo and radiation.

i watched his body struggle with the entire process.

his cancer was stage 3, but localized.  

it did not spread.

it did not take his whole body.

it did not take his life.

my kids have their papa, 

he shouldn't have to see the radiation/chemo docs again.

that's what he was told.

(the first time the kids saw papa after all his chemo and radiation were done.  easter 2012)

i watched him deteriorate as the cancer was being fought.

i thought about those who have a wider spread of cancer...

have had cancer diagnosed...again..

those who have radiation and chemo for the rest of their lives.

i thought of the families who don't still have their loved ones because the cancer won.

my dad...

terry fox...

mary williamson...

aunt judi...

aunt jill...

dr. hillier...

jack verzyden...

my cousin Amanda (Boyle)

i am running the Terry Fox run for them. 

(and any others i regretfully forgot to mention)

some of those people would not be alive today if they hadn't had treatment..

some of those people lived as long as they did because of cancer research and treatment..

some of those people will be going through it and are praying the treatment will give them the life they hope to continue living...

it doesn't matter if i'm running the 10km.

it doesn't matter if i'm running or walking the 5km

or biking 10km.

i'm running.

that's what matters.

those names will be on my mind while i run.

who would you run for?

school days: SK edition 2

"Dear Jesus, 

thank you for making school, so i can go to it.

amen."

my little boy's prayer last night.

"Dear Jesus, 

thank you that he loves school this year.

amen."

my prayer last night.

day 3 happening right now.

He has been loving going.

he is excited about going.

his sister wishes she was going on the bus with him.

next year, little one.

School Days: SK Edition

grade:

senior kindergarten (sk)

age: 

five

year in school career: 

second

last week, wednesday i believe, i had the chance to bring my big boy to meet his teacher.

(his teacher from last year had retired)

We went to the same classroom he had from last year
and had a chance to speak with her and allow him to look around and get comfortable.

he had a rough start last year and i figured meeting her would help out the start.

we found out his best friend will be back in his class.

that was a relief.

it was a good meeting.

i found out on the weekend that he will also have a new bus driver.

i received a phone call from said driver on Monday.

our pick up time is a little earlier,
but i was thankful for the phone call, and a brief conversation with her.

there are some changes for our boy, but also some consistency.

praying this second year starts better.

we have decided to send him all 5 days.

i told him that he's going to be in school for the same days that daddy works, and that excited him.

i still don't like a 4 or 5 year old in school all day 5 days a week, 

but he hated missing things at the end of the year.

we'll see how this goes.

i will be open to cutting out a day if it is too much.

"mommy i will make new friends."
as he waited for the bus to stop.  
I know you will, little one, i know.

Memories captured thru my camera's eye.

Can't believe school begins in just a few days.

since our summer is winding down i decided to look back at some memories made.

Happy Birthday Canada.

Lots of playing at parks..

Huntsville, 

Utterson,

Bracebridge, 

Toronto...

Beach Days.

Beautiful Sunshine,

cool water,

lots of sand...

Slurpees.

mmmmm.

Walks,

with Grandma & Grandpa, 

with mom & dad, 

with Papa & gramma,

picking raspberries along the way...

Bubbles...

birthdays...

haircuts...

Train trips..

Toronto stays...

RibFest, Scarborough...

Lion Safari..

(some lion safari pics - click HERE)

Grandma & Grandpa got a new boat..

tubing, 

skiing, 

wakeboarding..

Tree Climbing...

Soccer...

What a great summer.

The kids go camping with Grandpa & Grandma this weekend

then it's back to the school year routine for all of us.

Hope your summer was full of memories, 

smiles, 

laughter,

lessons learned, 

joy, 

family.

born again

i love this song.

i have loved it since i first heard it on the radio...

or did i have the cd by then?  

radio i think.

i just wanted to share this.

dream:

  i also would love to sing the girl's part one day.

and not just in my home or car :)

goals accomplished.?

So, i have the day to myself.
the kidlets are with my parents.
hubby is at work.
i slept in (8am).
i got groceries...some still need to be put away.
i ate lunch then folded laundry, while watching Numb3rs on Netflix.
i then put a few more groceries away.
finally i headed down to work on a tile mosaic i'm working on for our bathroom.
i have the music blaring...my fave way to work.
i have my tea...yummy.

while singing, just as loud as my accompaniment...
(Counting Crows, Coldplay, John Mayer and friends)
I also do some thinking.

I am a multi-tasker!

i love photography.
i love reactions to photos i took.
i love being creative.

my dream growing up was to be a wife and mom.
my goal in life was to follow God, and live for Him.

done...and done...(well, work in progress for the goal)

what happens now?
.....
what happens when the dreams i had have happened..
did i dream too small?
should i have been dreaming that as a wife and mom i was going to do more?
should my goal instead of following God and living for Him have been to change the world?
i am creative.
i have never questioned that.
but when it comes to dreams and goals i feel as though my creativity doesn't come thru.
i don't dream big enough.

i'm afraid of failure.
i don't know how far it goes back, but i fear failing.
i am 37 years old and my biggest fear is failure.
i am petrified to step out and do something that i may fail at.

so now it comes down to my dream that maybe i could do something with photography.
what an awesome thing to do as a stay at home mom.
today i started feeling like 'what's the point?'
everyone with a camera and a good photoshop program can take amazing photos now a days.
i have a nice camera..only the lens it came with... and no photoshop program.
- - currently those cost money.
i hate money.

see my excuses.
why i shouldn't keep going.
i will always have excuses..
it keeps me from failing in the end.
don't pursue, and i won't disappoint.

i almost didn't audition for our church's Christmas Play way back..
my friend (worship pastor's wife) encouraged me to do it and actually phoned her husband and booked my audition time.
I had no excuse.
i have been doing the plays ever since.. and anything else with drama in our church that i can.
i believe i'm good at it.
i am passionate about it.
that's how i feel about photography.
expressing myself.

so... i was feeling pretty crappy.
i was sitting here typing this blog entry when our crazy beast of a dog jumped up and barked.
Barb was at my door.
i had done a head shot for her.
she brought me the program, from the play she did wardrobe for.
with the head shot in it.
she came to encourage me.
thanks Barb.
you're the best.
i do feel encouraged.
you have done nothing but encourage me in 2 areas i feel as though i am gifted.
drama and photography.

so, that's that.

blogs and photos

So, i have a blog that i'm devoting entirely to my photography.
hope you check it out.

Life Thru My Lenz

5 years old

5 years ago.

pain.  

breathing.

walking.

crying.

ice chips.

i loved the ice chips.

back labor.

ouch.

6:05pm

one beautiful baby boy.

my first born.

my Elijah.

today he turns 5.

my blond haired.

big blue eyed boy.

loves to run.

is going to be a worker man like daddy and grandpa.

loves the busyness of the city.

loves to hike.

to canoe.

loves to read.

to draw.

to learn.

yesterday told me he was going to do gymnastics in the olympics.

is a great big brother to his little sister.

my boy is growing up.

i love him so much.

words can't express how much i love this kid.

but i tried.

his friends at his birthday party: space/alien theme.

pin the eyes on the alien game.

Happy Birthday Elijah.

mommy loves you.

i am so proud of you.

My song for July

i wanted to play a fun song for my birthday.

i'm a day late.

oh well.

this medley is awesome.

Almost Birthday

2 sleeps.

i'll be 37.

that's 3 years away from the big 4-0.

i can't believe that i'm almost that old.  

i know, just live for today, for this year.  

don't worry about 3 years from now.  

no one knows what life will be like 3 years from now.

Even Jesus says not to worry about tomorrow..

i'm sure if i'm not supposed to worry about tomorrow, i'm definitely not supposed to worry about 3 years from now.

i'm not actually worried.

i am in shock that it's that soon until i'm an age i had once thought of as ancient and prehistoric.

but right now i'm 36.

in 2 sleeps i'll be 37.

i love birthdays.

i share a birthday with some pretty awesome people.

my friend, Morgan, in grade school had the same birthday as me, and we thought that was pretty cool.

we were only a couple hours apart too.  so we were twins.

my second cousin, Kelly, is a beautiful, talented, and gifted young lady
(by the way, check out her photography website www.kellytaub.com).
  i went to her sweet sixteen party 6(?) years ago and found out then that we shared the same date.

I used to watch these two beautiful twin girls, so full of life and laughter...and energy (still are).

 they were born the year i turned 30.

i married into this amazing family.

The Quiggs.

the patriarch of this clan was Milton Quigg.

Godly.

Loving

 family-oriented.

devoted husband.

 devoted father and grandpa.

amazing great-grandpa.

wise.

funny (old-man humor haha!)

silly.

repetitive with jokes and stories.

we shared the same day, until he passed away 2 years ago.

i still remember him on this day, and his amazing wife as she remembers him each year.

so.

i don't know who else shares the day with me,

but i like the list i have.

i hope each of those people have a great day, and coming year.

may God reveal Himself in ways unimaginable to each of them in this coming year.

(grandpa quigg gets to spend each day with God in an unimaginable way already)

Happy Birthday

in 2 sleeps.

(remember this was written on Monday the 23rd)

Loft Bed: Done.

So, we started the loftbed when our kids went to their Gramma and Papa's for 4 sleepovers.
Read about the beginning here.

So, when the kids got back home there was pure excitement about seeing his bed.
however, he would not be sleeping in it right away.
we were finishing up the mud and sanding..
then we finally painted the walls so we could move him in.
so, one week after seeing the bed he finally got to sleep in it.

daddy reading to his little boy: 1st night in the loft.

singing to my kids

When the boy was a baby i used to spend a lot of time rocking him.  

whether to calm him or to feed him

i would hum or sing songs i knew from tv. 

(Gilligan's Island theme, Brady Bunch Theme)

i would hum or sing songs i knew from childhood 

(this little light of mine, happy birthday baby jesus, this old man)

i would hum or sing songs i knew from camp or church 

(there is a redeemer, the coconut song)

but the main song i would go to was one Dan had told me calmed him as he tried to calm our new baby.

it was a song i sang to calm myself as well as my son 

(and then my daughter).  

now that my kids are 3 & 4 i will go to them at night when they're crying, or struggling to fall asleep.

i love it when i hear my little girl say to me with tears in her eyes, and pulling me to lay down with her, "mommy can you sing 'mazing grace"  

definitely little one.  

may the words sink deep into their souls and hearts.  

may this song be one of power to them, 

as well as calming... 

and most of all truth to them.

Amazing grace how sweet the sound 

that saved a wretch like me 

i once was lost but now i'm found 

was blind but now i see 

 twas grace that taught my heart to fear

and grace my fears relieved

 how precious did that grace appear

 the hour i first believed

 through many dangers, toils and snares

i have already come 

tis grace that brought me safe thus far

and grace will lead me home

when we've been there ten thousand years

bright shining as the sun

we've no less days to sing God's praise

than when we've first begun.

loft bed

every little boy wants a cool loft bed at some point.  

or if they don't it's because they've never seen one or heard of one.

we are giving our guy one.

the kids are visiting gramma and papa this week so i had the wonderful idea to get the boy's bed done for when he came home after the weekend.

will it be done in time?

we'll see.

On Monday morning dan cut down a tree for our lumber.

that afternoon he cut it into boards.

yesterday immediately after they left with gramma and papa i began my job.

on went the CD player: Dave Matthews/Tim Reynolds Live at Luther College

up went the volume.

into the boy's room i went.

 

I cleared out his room - all except his bed - and that only because i didn't know where to put it.

i stood it up on it's side.

when dan got home last night we began planing the boards.

then we ripped out the wall above the kids' closets.

put in the main beam for the bed.  

exhausted, it was bed time.

this morning i was up by 6:30.  

bringing the boards outside by 6:50. (i had to eat breakfast)

and sanding them by 7:10  

it's now lunchtime.

i have sanded and clear-coated all the boards and the main beam.

i have removed all the wood and drywall (from above the closets).
wood to burn pile.

i have mainly cleaned the floor in the room.

i am sore.

i am tired.

i am hungry.

i am excited to see this bed happen.  

Dan is a creative genius and the plans are in his head.

i don't even know what it will look like when done.

not the restful week that i had originally planned when the kids first asked if they could have a 4 night sleepover at papa and gramma's...  

but when i see my little boy walk into his room and climb up to his new bed - 

it will be worth it.

School Days... Part 5: is it that time already?

Wow.

today is Elijah's last day.

it feels like just yesterday i was bringing him to school for his first day.

what an adventure my boy has had.

(see school days parts 1, 2, 3, 4)

riding a school bus

meeting:

 his teachers

all the other students

staying at school all day long

mommy and dakota waiting for him when he comes home

half days due to too many tears

unsure when the tears will stop

wanting to stay for the full day again

tears lessen and disappear

learning:

 to write his name

 sounds of letters

to spell other words

to sound out words

to count to 100

meeting new friends

actually sharing about his day 

excited to go to school

looking forward to the day he can sit with his little sister on the bus 

(and help her not be scared.)

my little 4 year old just finished up his first ever school year.

he will miss his teachers.

he will miss his friends.

although we've made contact with his newest friend's parents so we can invite him to elijah's birthday party

he will miss his jaguar.  

*we are going to go to the toy store after school 

we will see if they have a jaguar for him to have at home.*

i am so proud of my little boy.

i am so thankful for the adults who invested in his school experience...

driving the bus, 

teaching him, 

loving him, 

reading to him, 

helping him in the library, 

worrying about him on the rough days, 

encouraging him, 

calling when he was marked absent

(even though he never went to school on tuesdays or thursdays), 

challenging him.

Thank you to each and everyone of you.

**since i wrote this i have now picked up the boy from school and Mrs Keevil actually gave Jaguar to him.. he was so happy.**

at his class party: so happy 

Mrs Keevil, his wonderful teacher

his note for Mrs Keevil.

disgusted

i was at the town pool today watching my boy have his swim lessons.

in the pool was a young man with special needs and his helper.

he was very hands on 

- i'm not too sure just what he could actually do by himself -

so my little girl was watching them, fascinated.

i was watching the patience and the encouragement that the woman had for him and was quite impressed.

there were two people sitting at the next bench over.

the guy - we'll call him 'Opinionated' - started making comments.

the young man in the pool needed so much help to get out of the pool

(again, i don't know how much was actually needed, and how much was fear or stubborness)

then he needed assistance getting up - i don't think he wanted to stand.

'Opinionated' started saying things like "just stand up." "what a waste of effort"

which to some wouldn't be bad, but he kept on that track.

"Such a waste of money.  

our government could spend the money where it is actually needed like education or the military.  

instead they spend it on those people.  

maybe if they could actually do something for themselves.

they can't even contribute to society.  

or acknowledge the effort people make.

don't waste the money on them.  

but i'm not in the government"

'Opinionated' complained for about the next 10 minutes.

not loudly, just to the person he was sitting with, but they were close enough for me to hear.

about the waste of money and time given to people who can't do things for themselves.

how much was wasted in his schools on them.

how he was deprived of the education he deserved because they got all the special attention and the money.

i honestly was sick to my stomach listening to this.

did i say something?

no.

shake your head at me all you want for not speaking up.

First of all, he was having a conversation with someone else, 

i had a little boy in swim lessons, about to come out and into the dressing room...

and my 3 year old daughter with me, was i wanting to argue the value of that young man's life?  

no i wasn't.

do i hate confrontation? 

yes.
like i said, he wasn't being loud and obnoxious...just having a convesation.

was i going to say anything that would change 'Opinionated's' mind or opinion?  

i would have just told him that he disgusted me.

that everyone had a right to the best life possible.

whether they needed assistance to receive it or whether they fought for it themselves.

God didn't create anyone who didn't deserve a right to life.

that young man in the pool may have needed a lot of assistance.

but you ask the woman who was helping him, encouraging him, whether he contributed to society.

is what he said disgusting to some of you?

i don't know.

maybe you feel the same.

i have voiced how i feel.

it may be only here on my blog, but isn't that was this blog is for?

so, no, i didn't say anything.

i got my girl, who is still excited from watching that young man in the pool and the woman who assisted him, and we went to the dressing room to meet my boy as he came out of his swim lessons.

Fix You

I love So You Think You Can Dance.

i've only missed one season  

because the Canadian version was on instead.

The second second season there was a contestant named Travis who was amazing, 

and has now become one of my favorite choreographers on the show.

He choreographed a dance about his mom 

the song was Fix You by Coldplay.

amazing dance to a super sweet song.

that's what i think of everytime i hear this song now.