the one i thought about while out for my run.

my dad bought me a book for mother's day.

the book was titled: Born to Run.

see here for book info.

i haven't read it yet. 

i will though, it sounds pretty fascinating.

i was excited to get this book.

i thought it was funny that i was excited.

it was a book about running.

but i hate running...

when i was a kid i hated running unless it was a race with a friend for fun.

unless it was in another sport, like soccer, baseball, football, rugby, frisbee...

i did track.

in grade school.

i ran the 100m, 200m, 400m, 1500m.

the 1500 nearly killed me!

i never did it well.

i never did it because i enjoyed it.

i enjoyed hurdles.

i enjoyed long jump and triple jump (i know it's not a real event).

i HATED running.

when i first got married to a man who enjoys running, i tried it out.

it's supposed to be good for the body.

gave up.

so not worth it.  let me go for a nice long walk.

i had a kid.

i hated the baby belly.

hubby recommended running as one form of exercise.

tried it.

hated it.

gave up.

i had a second kid.

i hated the baby belly on top of previous baby belly.

hubby recommended running as one form of exercise.

tried it.

knew it was a good idea.

The Terry Fox run is something i had always wanted to do.

but i hated running.

i read, watched, heard somewhere that Terry Fox didn't like running.

i don't know if it's completely true, but if he could run it there was no reason why i couldn't.

i began running..

hating it.

dreading it.

i ran/walked the 5km terry fox run.

didn't run again until the next summer.

ran the 5km (a couple very short walks within it) terry fox run.

didn't run again until the next summer.

i ran the 5km!

it hurt.

i did feel good after a run..

when i wasn't gasping for breath.

i liked the sore muscles - - yes, that's strange, but i really do.

we decided to do Tough Mudder this Sept.

i have no endurance.

i also wanted to do the 10km Terry Fox in Sept.

then i decided i wanted to do our town's 10km run (www.huntsvillehalf.com) 

what?

was i crazy?

training began in January.

outside.

in the snow.

in the cold.

i have worked up from dying at a 2km run to dying at a 8.5km run.

my minimum run is now a 5km.  

i find myself enjoying my run - most days.

finding that i can push myself that little bit further.

sometimes even picking up my speed and trying to sprint at the last 100m or so.

sometimes i look at other people out there running and think 

"oh, i hope i don't look like that."

sometimes i look at other people out there running and think

"oh, i wish i looked like that when i run."

when i run i sometimes try not to trip over my own feet.

my arms and shoulders are not always relaxed.

my strides are short, then long, then short.

my breathing isn't steady, and i'm trying to catch my breath.

sometimes i started out feeling great and ran faster than my body wants to do for the whole distance.

my face, neck and sometimes arms go a blotchy red... even when i feel i've had a great run.

but i'm running.

and i'm enjoying it.

i feel great.

i love the muscle pain because i know i've earned it.

i am running for my own health.

i'm running for my kids, as an example of staying active and having energy to play with them.

i'm running for my dad.  who runs the terry fox run with me.

i'm running to be able to have the endurance to make it from event to event at Tough Mudder.

i realized when i picked up that book on Mother's day, 

and was excited about it, 

that i don't hate running anymore.

i enjoy running.

there.

public confession.

(i have the right to withdraw my confession while on my 9km run this weekend)

cherished moments

this was my status on facebook the other day.  

thought i'd share it with you all 

(again, for fb friends)

Part 1:

the little girl and her mom were about to say prayers before bed. 

the little girl looked at mom, "you still love me even when i hurt my knee." 

(the little girl had fallen and hurt her knee earlier that evening) 

mommy smiled at her as she put her arm around her. 

leaning to whisper to her little girl, "mommy loves you even when you get mad at me." 

little girl smiled her huge, joyful, smile... 

then started to giggle for reasons only the little girl knew.

Part 2:

the boy came out of his room to see what mom was doing. 

She told him he needed to go to bed. 

he said that he wished that there was no night so that he could stay out here and only need to take long naps.
"when you get older you'll be allowed to stay up later." said mom
the smile formed on the boy's face "will i still be with you when i'm allowed to stay up?"
mom nodded, "yep. you'll still be with me. but you may not want to be with me." 

confusion crossed the boy's face.
"why not?"
mom looked into his beautiful blue eyes, and told him, 

"some kids don't want to be with their parents when they get older."
the boy smiled at his mom, his eyes shining, "i'll want to be with you."
the mom's heart warmed as he continued "i'll always want to be with you."
wow, mom adores her little boy so much.

mom

i remember going to church when i was younger.

it was mother's day.

over the years the mothers had received a carnation or some flower.

one year i remember that all the females in the church were given a carnation.

i received a carnation for mother's day.

why?

because. 

some were currently mothers, 

 or one day to be biological moms, 

or adoptive moms, 

or foster moms, 

or surrogate moms,

every female in the church would at some point in their lives 'mother' someone.

in some way.

we were all appreciated that day.

y'know what i was most excited about.

I GOT A FLOWER!

i was a nanny for a few years, 

i cherished the boys i cared for.  

i was not their mom, but i 'mothered' them when their own mom wasn't there.

one day the middle son..

he wasn't listening.

i sent him to his room.

he yelled at me "i hate you!"

my stomach immediately tightened, 

the tears immediately surfaced.

my little lukey..

he hated me.

i knew it was only because he was mad.

it still tore at my heart.

when i went home that night i bawled.

wow.

i adored those children, and realized how much when faced with that.

now 

i am a mom.

i have two beautiful children.

i adore them.

i fight for them.

i encourage them.

i cherish them.

i teach them.

i love them.

i feed them.

i pray for them.

i also get mad at them.

 i am hurt by them.

i cry for & with them.

i laugh at their antics.

i laugh with them.

i discipline them when it's needed.

they can tear at my heart when they get mad at me.

they touch my heart when they smile at me.

i am not perfect.

i mess up.

i get mad at them when i shouldn't.

i sometimes expect them to know what i'm meaning when i've barely explained it.

i've yelled.

i've stormed off and locked myself in the bathroom.

i've had to give myself a time out in my room.

i've had to go to my child and apologize...

and ask for forgiveness.

i compare myself to other moms.

and know i need to stop.

I am blessed to be a mom to these precious children.

they are a gift from God.

He gave them to ME.

He wanted ME to be their MOM.

i thank Him daily.

                          

 

i heard somewhere once 

"if i am perfect then i don't need to point my kids to God."

i have been learning that daily.  

***

on a similar note:

i had many moms as a child.

i had my mom.

she gave birth to me, raised me, taught me about God, loved me, cared for me, fed me, disciplined me, laughed with me, cried with me, prayed for me.

 i had my friends' moms.

they helped me, loved me, cared for me, fed me, sent me home when i needed disciplining, laughed with me, cried with me, they showed e God's love.

if i was sad, upset, hurt, excited, scared, nervous, happy...

i could go to my mom...

but also to any of these other moms.  

there were some ladies in my church who were also moms to me.

some didn't have kids.

they taught me about God, loved me, cared for me, sometimes fed me, taught me how to be so i didn't need to be disciplined, laughed with me, cried with me.

a mom is so much more than even what i pointed out above.

thank you to the 'moms' that helped raise me

thank you for your prayers, your love and time.

Happy Mother's Day

my main mom Jeanine. 

my surrogate moms 

lois.s

mary.w 

pams p&m

elsie.m

nancy.y

lynn.y

donna.b

oh wow, i know i'm leaving so many out... 

and a special happy mother's day to my mother in law.

she came into my life when i was already older, and i am thankful for the mother she is to me too. 

reminder from my girl.

On Sunday i went with my little girl to Canadian Tire.

While driving there i told her i just needed to return an item.

she asked me if she could stay in the car while i did that.

i told her no she had to come in with me.

"but you're just bringing that back and i can wait here for you."

i told her she wasn't allowed to wait in the car by herself.

she wouldn't be by herself. "i have lammie"

i told her lammie isn't an adult.

"but i have lammie and God."

my initial thought was god doesn't count.

she has a stuffed lamb whose name is god.  

that's right. 

a lamb named god.

"do you mean you have lammie and god your lamb?"

she laughed and told me no.  

she meant God, God.  

she proceeded to tell me that with lammie and God in the car with her she should be allowed to stay.

God is with her every where she goes.

He watches over her.

and takes care of her.

she told me then that no matter what God is with her.

"i can't hide from God."

i asked her if Jonah tried to run away from God.

"yeah, but he forgot that you can't run away from God, because God is already there. 

He sees you everywhere."

*there was more to the conversation, about the police, and about having an adult with her..

but those were the key points.*

thank you for the reminder little one.

-she forgot about her argument.  she did come in with me.-

vomit

i was so sick of vomit this week.

i have a boy.

he's now missed a whole week of school.

it all began sunday.  

very early on Monday to be more accurate.

our boy yelled 

"i'm going to throw up!"

dan threw off the covers, 

ran downstairs, 

through the living room, 

throwing open the boy's bedroom door, 

climbed the ladder to the loft bed, 

help the boy get down...

then carried him rapidly to the bathroom.  

threw open the toilet lid/seat.

nope.  

nothing.

brought him back to his bed.

he slept the rest of the night.

in the morning i went to wake him and see if he'd be up for school, 

since nothing actually happened that night.

he was barely coherent.

i decided to let him sleep and keep him home..better safe than sorry.

called the school's safe arrival line:

"my son...in this class...will not be there today, as he's home sick.  

if he feels better later on i'll bring him to school." 

he slept til 9.  then he came out to the couch.

the vomit started at noon.

he hadn't eaten breakfast but was drinking lots.

i had a friend who was able to come watch him, and the girl, while i ran out for groceries.

he had thrown up 2 times when i left..

4 times while i was gone.  

not a good day for the little guy.

he went to sleep on the futon in the livingroom for the night.

i honestly don't know how many times i was down with him in that night.

sometimes to throw up, others just feeling like it.

tuesday:

"hello, my son..in this class..will not be there today, as he's home sick still."

another long day.

lots of water going in.

vomit going out.

sleeping.

kids cbc.

repeat.

that night i put a mattress on his floor and he slept there.

i think i was down about 6 times through the night.

wednesday:

"hello, my son..in this class..will not be there today, as he's still home sick."

another long day.

lots of water going in.

vomit going out..

but not as many...in fact i would think we were done...then ...."i'm going to be sick!"

sleeping.

"I can't sleeeep!"

kids cbc.

**by the way, his sister was great over these days.  

big help, listened well.  prayed Jesus would make him better.**

i slept on the futon with him.

i say slept.  

i think we both slept from about 3:30 - 6.

his stomach was so not good.  

he hadn't eaten since sometime Sunday.

he had the constant vomitous feeling.

he drank a lot, thankfully.

then at about 3:30 he vomited.  

some on me.

some on him.

most in the bowl.

after, he fell asleep almost immediately.

thursday:

"hello, my son..in this class..will not be there today.  he's still sick."

i showered.

he wouldn't eat.

he felt like he was going to throw up constantly.

he was half asleep all day.

so groggy and weak.

he had definitely lost weight.

he wasn't drinking so much now either.

grandma came by with applesauce and a fun sticker book for the sickie (and his sister to share)

after lunch a friend came and picked up the girl for the afternoon.   

thank you.

i had a strange conversation with the boy.

about some animals. from school...

he seemed to be in a dream state.

i was taking him to emerg.

he was dehydrated.  

all the water he had drank was vomited out.

and he hadn't eaten since sunday.

i took him in.

he cried while we were waiting.

"i feel better mommy.  i want to go home."

i didn't believe him.  well not both statements.

we got to see the nurse.

then we went to wait in the next waiting room.

he fell asleep on me.

we were called in, brought to a room.

asked the same questions again.

he got to lay on a bed with a warm blanket.

then the medical student came in.

got asked similar and new questions.

sickie got checked out.

then the doctor came in.

they were going to give him some medicine to settle his stomach.

then they'd start getting some liquids into him orally.

and we waited.

the pill was brought.

he fought it.

he fought the drink - spilled some.

i think one teeny tiny sip got into him.

he drank a couple sips of dan's Tim Horton's Apple Juice.

then fought any more.

he had a sip of his water bottle and fought any more.

dan brought the girl home to get her ready for bed.

the doctor told me that he wasn't too worried about the boy.

that he wasn't too far along with dehydration.

he didn't want to have to do an iv unless it was necessary.

so he figured now that the stomach was settled the boy would be able to begin drinking and eating in a more comfortable setting of home.

we could go.

seriously?

so away we went.

with my boy telling me he would drink and eat now.

i wouldn't believe it until i saw it.

this morning:

the boy slept through the night.  yay.

"hello, my son..in this class..will not be there today.  he's still sick."

grandma came and got the girl for the day. 

thank you.

he had 2 cheerios, with water to wash them down.

he had a couple bites of applesauce. 

some sips of water.

is watching kids shows on tv.

i have in total given him 6 bites of applesauce.

he is drinking his water...small, slow sips.

he doesn't want to go to the hospital again.

thats my week.

on tuesday i was feeling crappy.

i was feeling sorry for myself.

i was tired.

i had to run to the store after dan got home.

i ran into a girl i had worked at the bank with back before i had the boy.

we hadn't seen each other since then.

we were talking about what was going on with life.

i mentioned that my boy was at home with the flu.

during the conversation she mentioned that her husband had cancer.

they've been married 3 years..today.

the first round of chemo didn't work.

he's now in the hospital for 3 weeks to receive a stronger dose.

it's only a couple doses right at the beginning, but then he's admitted for about 3 weeks because he needs to recover from it.

wow.  

it made me refocus.

my attitude when taking care of my little boy was definitely altered.

he wasn't a frustration.

he is my boy, my first born, i'm his mommy.

i can take care of him. i love him.

Kindergarten. round 2: the girl.

oh my little one.

you are 4 

(and a month..almost)

you are already older then your brother was when he started Junior Kindergarten.

yet, you don't go until September.

Yesterday we went to the Ready for Kindergarten day.

you were so excited.

you were going to go on your first - ever- school bus ride.

you had hoped Elijah's bus driver would be driving.  

but when i told you she wouldn't be, you accepted it without any problems.

when we arrived you very quietly,

so quiet i could barely hear,

said your name.

you couldn't remember the school name except for Public school.

i helped you out by adding the first part.

then you got it.

the backpack.

a HUGE...pink Backpack!

i think the fact that you just stared at it confused the lady showing you it - 

she proceeded to ask if maybe you had wanted a blue one instead.

which, of course, you quickly shook your head and reached out for it.

yes, my dear, it is yours!

we met up with Andrew, his brothers and mom.

you two were standing with your crazy-huge backpacks on.

you looked way too small to be starting school in a few months.

we went out to wait for the school bus.

your eyes were so big and bright as it pulled up.

in line you followed the other kids onto the bus, accepting help with the steps.

you and andrew were going to sit together.

front seat.

i sat behind you.

the two of you just chatted while the bus was driving.

you looked for our church as we passed it. 

no fear of being on it with no car seat.  or seatbelt.

just two friends chatting, watching out the window, riding a school bus - no biggie.

while going around to check out the other displays you were so hyper.

you took your shoes off and ran around.

when you were asked what school you'd be going to you said the name confidently.

sad to leave, but we had to my dear.

next month we'll be going to your actual school for an intro to kindergarten night.

i'm not telling you about that yet.

oh, my little one.

you were a baby not too long ago.

you want to go to school

you wanted to go the day you turned 4.

please wait a little longer.

i am excited to see you go to school, to learn, to play, to make friends...

but not yet.

you're still my little one.

from the mouths of babes

i have 2 kids.

i adore them.

when they pray i can't help but smile.

my heart has a tightening, my throat constricts..

*no i am not having a heart attack or an allergic reaction.*

i am holding back tears.

pure joy as a parent who loves God and is listening to my children speak to God with love.

at the beginning of January both kids asked Jesus to come live in their hearts with them. 

http://mquigg-justbeingmyself.blogspot.ca/2013/01/il-divo-amazing-grace.html

since then my son has added a part to his regular prayer.

original prayer:

"dear Jesus

thank you for the food.

thank you for the sunshine.

amen."

now: 

"dear Jesus

thank you for the food

and the sunshine.

thank you that you love us 

thank you that you know us."

at night he gets a little more personal, usually.

a couple nights ago:

"dear Jesus 

thank you for the food

and the sunshine

thank you that you love us

thank you that you know us

thank you that you made us

thank you that you made the world

thank you that you made space so the world has somewhere to float."

we had just been at 2 birthday parties over the weekend.

last night - 

"dear Jesus

thank you for the food

and the sunshine

thank you that you love us 

and that you know us.

thank you that you made us born so we could have birthdays

so we could grow up."

my boy was up in the night feeling sick.

it was just me and my girl for breakfast.

she wanted to be the one to pray, so i reminded her to pray for her brother.

"dear jesus

thank you for the food and the sunshine 

(yes, she's adopted her brother's prayer)

thank you please help elijah feel better.

amen"

so simple.

so clear.

i love it.

solar-charged nite lites

September or 2012 my friend posted this blog entry

http://iamstricklyspeaking.blogspot.ca/2012/09/powers-out-friday-links.html

in it there was a link to 'A CUTE DIY'.

i loved the idea.

i wanted mason jar solar lights.

so i finally found garden lights at the dollar store.

i bought one and made my first mason jar solar light.

i put glass stones in the bottom for decoration

and some yarn to wrap around the top.

this was taken on a full moon - with no flash.  it didn't go green until i took the picture.

then..

 the other day...

 i had a new idea for this mason jar craft.

i was going to make the kids solar powered night lights!

off to the dollar store i headed.

found pink and a green garden lights.

i found the jars i was going to use.

and made handles out of some wire i had.

and...

tada!

the kids carry these into their rooms at bedtime.

they stay lit all night long

and in the morning the kids bring them back out to the dining room table to charge for the day.

**thank you V for your great links.. i miss those entries, i hope you start them again when things settle down.**

check her out at www.iamstricklyspeaking.blogspot.ca 

slacking

so.

i've been slacking in my Tough Mudder training.

not in my running..

but everything else.

i got sick.

dan got sick.

i made excuses.

i ran when i was sick, but nothing else.

i'm building up my running distance.

i have been running since the beginning of January.

i don't like running - i've told you that before.

the other day 

(ok, in reality it was a couple weeks ago)

when we did our usual "what was your favorite part of the day?" question i shocked my husband.

"my run." 

he never thought he'd hear that from my mouth.

but i honestly did enjoy my run.

i had done my best time for 4 km.

over the winter i ran outside.

i did the indoor track once

i hated it.

i enjoy running outside.

one of the many winter runs was cold. 

snowy. 

windy.

while i was running i was tired.

cold.

my face was getting wind burned.

maybe it was the snow blowing around me.

maybe i just hated running.

but i came to the conclusion that...

wait for it...

...

...

I was ROCKY!

that's right.

I was in the middle of Russia.

training to do the impossible.

beat Ivan Drago.

i wish i had the training determination Rocky had.

(but i guess Tough Mudder (my Ivan Drago) didn't kill my best friend and mentor.)

*i did carry a small tree out of the bush on the weekend. * 

i need the music.

i ran this morning (and what a beautiful winter day it was...oh..it's spring)

and ran my best time.

33:14 for 5km.  

(remember, i'm also planning to run a 10km race in June)

so.. 

i need to get my Rocky butt in gear.

i need to get my hands on the makeshift monkey bars dan put up for me 

(a ladder on the basement ceiling)

..i need to get climbing.

get running up our back hill...carrying a kid or a log.  

i need to be doing everything i can.  

Tough Mudder I have one last thing to say to you:

i must break you.

love this

Good Friday

i have a boy.

he's five and a half.

the Easter i was pregnant with him i was in a production at Church.

i played Mary, the mother of Jesus.

i was being interviewed.

i was reminiscing about my son dying on the cross.

(back: Centurion, Peter.  front: John, Mary (me), Mary Magdalene)

i remember practicing my lines.

*thinking about my baby who i would meet that following summer.*

as i memorized my lines i was getting the emotions down.

i was becoming Mary.

how would i feel as a mother.

i had held this babe in my arms, 

snuggled his neck, 

watched as he learned to sit.

comforted as he cried because his gums hurt from the teeth coming through.

amazed as he learned to crawl, then stand.

taking his first steps to me on his chubby, wobbly, legs.

smiles.

laughter.

tears.

cuddles.

having watched my son grow.

and then, as a man,  truly come into the role he was meant to live.

then realizing what the ultimate fate of my son would be.

probably never having completely grasped it.

definitely never understanding it.

i was human after all.

his father wasn't the man everyone assumed he was.

his father.

his father created me..you..the world.

but i was his mom.  

and there he was.

they killed my son!

***

the following Good Friday i was holding my son.

the role i had the previous year came back to me.

my precious boy.

my first born.

thinking about Jesus dying on the cross hit me like it never had before.

it made it more real to me.
Jesus was a real man.
he had been born
(that's why we celebrate Christmas)
he had been a baby.
he had lived, breathed, walked, laughed, cried, gotten angry.
he was God's Son.
he had come to do a job.
he was going to sacrifice himself.
for the people who didn't even love him.
for people who didn't care for God.

he struggled, when he knew the event was near:

"Father, if you are willing, take this cup from me; yet not my will but yours be done."
Luke 22:42

without that sacrifice we would not be able to have such a personal relationship with God.

i remember playing Mary.
the emotions well up.
i look to my children.
even more.

would i..
no, i could not sacrifice my kids for someone else i loved...
would i...
no, i would not sacrifice my kids for someone who hated me...

thank you God for loving me.
thank you Jesus for dying FOR ME.

facebook break

GAH!

i need a break from facebook.

it's funny.

funny sad...not funny haha 

i don't do anything on there except post a status now and then and read the news feed...

oh yeah, and a scrabble game or two.

i love scrabble.

but it seems to take up a whole stink-load of my time.

i'll be going to sit and have breakfast

...oh, ill check fb.

heading in to sit with the kids

...oh, i'll take a quick look at fb.

i think i want to sit and read my new book

... i'll check fb first.

i haven't done devotions for a couple days, i should get my Bible now

...i'll just check fb quickly.

stupid.

what a waste of time.

barely anything changes.

most status updates are annoying.

obviously i do care about some of the stuff i read or see pictures of.

but the majority i didn't need to know right then.

my life is not any better for having read it.

so i'm taking a break.  

for this week.

this week from Palm Sunday to Easter.

i may not focus on God during the times i would normally be checking fb.

reading my Bible, praying, belting out praise songs..

i may be cleaning, reading, cuddling with my kids or husband..

but i need to put fb back in its place.

it is not first, second, third, fourth...in my life.

it should not be in my top ten.

but this world we live in.

this culture we live in.

social media.

it has become first for many people.

for me.

this week.

this Easter week.

i need to set my priorities.

and facebook.

you are not a priority in my life.

these two, however, are a priority.

God thoughts.

Genesis 1:27

So God created man in his own image, 

in the image of God he created him; 

male and female he created them.

Psalm 139:13,14

For you created my inmost being; 

you knit me together in my mother's womb.

I praise you because i am fearfully and wonderfully made; 

your works are wonderful, 

I know that full well.

we are created in God's image.

what does that mean to you?

create: (v.) Bring something into existence.

when i hear the word create i think of a sculptor.

a painter.

a designer.  

a carpenter.

someone who's final product has begun as an idea, a dream.

it has taken hours, years.

tears, laughter.

starting over.

frustration.

joy.

pride.

and when it's completed..

the words can't express how that creator feels.

the object is of far more value than what it is sold for.

it is created out of love.

passion.

now.

stop and think.

we are created.

we are created in God's image.

God formed us to be His portrait.

not a physical "look God has a wart on His nose" portrait.

but a display of who He is.

wow.

then read the next verse i mentioned.

a Psalm.

a song of praise.

'you knit me together in my mother's womb'

i don't knit.

i love knitted things.

i know the care that goes into something that's knitted.

hands used.

practice.

time taken.

think of a grandma who knits her wee grandbaby a blanket, or sweater.

the love and care that goes into it.

God knitted us.

that sings of care, and intricate detail.

he knew us when we were conceived..

and created us.

when we stop and think of our life in those terms it is a lot easier to sing along with the Psalmist.

I praise you for i am fearfully and wonderfully made.

wish i stopped and thought about that every day.

but i don't.

but, wow, the value one feels after realizing that no matter what

i am not a mistake to God.

may these words encourage you.

may they bless you today.

who would you be?

when i was younger i had this friend.

when we watched movies we would always claim who we would be.

i was Snow White 

(dark haired princess- at that time the only dark haired disney princess)

she was Aurora (Sleeping beauty) - blond.

she was sailor moon

i was Luna (the cat) 

haha..

  

those were fun.  

no reasons except for hair color and kind of animal.

one of my favorite movies was/is The Last of the Mohicans.

we watched it a lot.  

She was Alice.

I was Cora.

and i didn't pick her just because she was a brunette..but that was part of the initial reasoning.

i watched that movie so many times.

i wanted to be Cora.

(i also loved her name and wanted to name my daughter that...dan didn't agree)

i wanted to be a woman like her.

strong.

tough.

gentle.

compassionate.

stubborn.

caring.

when Alice is afraid Cora is her the strength.

individual.

speaks her mind.

she is beautiful.

head held high.

she was thrown into war. into chaos. taken captive.

she could have collapsed.

she could have given up.

she could have spent the whole movie saying "woe is me..life is horrible..."

she stood firm.

she hid her sister's eyes when people around them were being scalped and killed.

i would want to be her when faced with adversity.

another favorite movie (franchise) of mine is 

The Lord of the Rings Trilogy.

i read the books.

LOVED the books.

my favorite character is Samwise (in both movie and books)

'Samwise the Brave'

but who would i want to be?

Well, Samwise or Eowyn.

they are both characters whom i imagine i am as i watch the movies.

(good thing they never interact or i'd be confused)

they both have a strength of character.

Samwise goes because he is assigned to watch over Mr. Frodo.

he leaves the comfort of his home.

because he believes in the journey ahead.

he stays true to the end.

he fights when he would rather not.

he speaks his mind when he must.

he steps up to continue the journey by his own choice.

he sees the darkness in Gollum/Smeagol when Frodo cannot.

without Samwise Gamgee the ring would not have been destroyed.

Eowyn.

beautiful.

fragile.

gentle.

strong.

bold.

wants to fight.

wants to protect her family and home.

stubborn.

goes to fight.

without her the Witch King wouldn't have been killed.

(he could not be killed by the hand of man)

compassionate.

(another name i wanted for my daughter..it was on the list briefly)

is there a character, in book or movie, that you relate to or dream of being?

do you imagine yourself in the role?

who?

why?

registered: it's happening.

I'm registered.

all signed up for Tough Mudder in September.

why?

i asked myself that the other day, as i was going for a run. 

i was tired, cold, sore.

and my plan is to run farther and farther.

work on my endurance.

as one step of training.

people watch the videos of it..

look at pictures of events.

and the question i see in their eyes is WHY?

http://toughmudder.com/event-photos/miami-2013-event-photos/

when i first heard about it it sounded so cool.

challenging but as a team event something that really interested me.

scared the crap out of me.

excited me.

i watched videos.

told dan about it.

http://www.youtube.com/user/ToughMudder

then one day dan asked if we were still going to do it.

i felt like my voice quaked as i said "yeah, i'd like to do it."

he was all for it.

that in itself excited me.

we have a team forming.

my friend - who first asked me to do it - knows most of the people.

so.  

why?

1. it excites me: 

i watch the videos and look at the pictures and i get excited thinking about being able to actually do it.  

to actually get out there and try it.  

2. it scares me.  

i watch the videos and look at the pictures and i get completely freaked out, sometimes a little nauseous, about being a part of it.

*i know, to most people, that's not a reason...but it is to me*

3. it is an encouragement and reason to get in shape.

 to get this body fit.  

i had better be working on it - i am signed up.  

i am doing it.

4.  to encourage and be encouraged.

  Dan is my encouragement.  

he is excited about it.

  he gets me excited.

  i want to be a part of our team and be the encourager and in turn know i will also receive the encouragement from them as i struggle or am afraid.  

be a part of a team.

5.  to be challenged.  

i always shy away when something is a challenge.  

but the times i step out and push through the challenge i feel a confidence. 

an adrenaline rush.  

proud of myself.  

i don't do it as much as i would like to.  

so i'm doing it.

6.  to be a part of a pretty crazy event.  

i can say I'm a tough mudder.  

whether or not i complete all the obstacles 

(i'm realistic - i've got a lot of work to do to be 100% able to do some of the obstacles)

..i still did it.

7.  to rely on God.  

when i face a challenge, something i struggle with - fear, exhaustion, pain.. i turn to God.  

when i'm on a rock face, struggling to get up it.. i lean against the rock and cry out to God for help.  help me conquer my fear. 

 help me stop crying.  

help me calm enough to finish this challenge.  

help me, i'm freaking out.  

8.  to do this with friends.  

9.  to, hopefully, be 'Jesus' to my team.  

to be love, patience, encouragement.  

a shoulder, hand, arm, back.  a smile.  

a "c'mon, get off your butt, let's go' when needed.  

and not just my team.. to the others on the course with us. 

to assist when others are struggling.  

to be real.

10.  why not?

ten reasons.  

what?

the God stuff and Jesus stuff weren't the primary reason?  

no it wasn't my first reasons.  

it wasn't as until i really thought about what i wanted to accomplish that they appeared..  

they are for sure my reasons.  and solid reasons.

i'm doing this event and i'm going to give it my all, because i should be doing everything i do for God and i plan on doing my best for Him.  whether or not it's preaching the gospel or running an insane obstacle course.

so when you watch the videos and look at the pictures, you now know WHY.

me, a hater of running, unless it's in a game.

me, a mother of 2.

me, afraid of heights.

me, who would rather watch and live vicariously through someone else.

those are 4 other reasons.