41

hi all.

last year i had trained for months and ran 40km on a trail to celebrate turning 40.

(read about it here)

then came home to an amazing birthday party.

this year was a lot different.

this year i turned 41.

since my parents will not see my boy for his birthday next week they came to celebrate both our birthdays.

on the sunday (since my husband would be at work monday) we did the gift thing.

my boy and i opened our gifts.

he got Star Wars Risk and a remote control BB8

I got a pizza stone for the bbq, some books i had been wanting, a cute little dragon from my girl and tickets (to a concert in August) from my hubby.  

my boy's choice for dinner that evening - boston pizza.

on my actual birthday i slept in a little.

took my dad for a walk on our new 1km trail out back.

got a phone call from my mom-in-law.

went to lunch with my parents and kids.

then my parents headed home and the kids and i went to the boardwalk on the trail for some swimming.

HOT day!

lots of fun with them.

My 2nd jump as a 41 year old. 

then we went to the dollarstore for some candy, and i bought myself some Reese PB Cups... 

tried a couple stores to find myself a Jones Soda, but, alas... no Jones for my birthday.

after a few minutes of the kids playing at the park, while i enjoyed my pb cups, we headed home.

we headed across the tracks to let the kidlets do some scootering...

until my boy went into the ditch.

for dinner dan made french toast and i wanted to watch The Princess Bride. 

and my boy remembered to give me my new colouring book Harry Potter Magical Creatures. 

it was my birthday,

i'm now 41.

it didn't feel special...

41 feels no different than 40 did..

or 39 for that matter.

it felt like a normal summer day.

but it was wonderful.

there and back...and there again AKA: my 40k run

 July 25 2015

7:20am (approx.)

The Limberlost Forest and Wildlife Reserve.

heading out to run the 14k loop of The Limberlost Challenge almost 3 full times.

(we were going to do the first loop full, the second loop only 12k, and the third loop full)

and out we headed.

i had not slept well all week.

purely my own fault.

i went to bed late each night, except the night before, and then i couldn't fall asleep.

i was tired.

i was nervous.

i had done 26k and felt pretty good.

i had raced one loop and felt amazing.

three loops.

that was scary.

one loop at a time.

i wanted to think of it like that.

it was hard to do.

i took it easy on the way out.

i was excited and wanted to speed up a little, 

but also had to remember i needed to slow it down and pace myself so i didn't die on loop three.

the first 10k or so were hard.

*usually when i head out on a run the first 5k are hard but then i get into a rhythm.*

at the one lake - dan knows all the names, i do not - there is a beautiful chair and foot rest.

i had dan take a photo of me on it during the first lap.

because i knew i'd be able to get back up and keep running.

i knew if i waited until the third lap i wouldn't be getting back up.

what a wonderful - - brief - - moment.

The Limberlost trails are absolutely gorgeous.

and during the first lap i was able to look around and truly enjoy it all.

we decided to take the second loop in reverse.

change it up a little.

make it new again.

it was also our short loop.

dan carried Chester with him for the second loop so i would have some pics of me running the trail.

you get a few glimpses of the beauty of the trail. 

the whole run seems a blur now.

I have had to ask dan repeatedly; 

"about when did i stub this toe?"

"how long would you say i was loving it?"

"how far in did i hit the wall?"

"how long did i walk, do you think?"

"when did i begin enjoying it again?"

"when did i stub the other toe?"

"when could you tell i was at the end of my strength?"

about 24k in to the run.

2k left in the second loop.

i realized the last 400m was on a road.

the road to the car.

i didn't want to run on a road.

at all.

it was like that thought brought with it the worst discouragement.

all the pain my body was feeling, 

the soreness, the tiredness,

the stubbed toe, the rolled ankles, 

the sore back.

it all hit me at once.

i wasn't going to be able to run another whole loop.

i wasn't going to be able to do it.

i wanted to cry, 

maybe i did.

i slowed to a walk.

i think i stubbed something, or rolled something, or hit something...

i don't remember.

i just remember the weight of defeat stopping me.

i couldn't do it.

i walked for a while.

the first loop dan had been up ahead.

i kept losing him.

he was having so much fun running the trail.

so was i, and i didn't care if he was right with me or not.

it was enjoyable.

when we began the second loop he stayed closer.

but in front of me.

i could always see him.

when i began walking he came back and checked on me, 

heard my discouragement.

he didn't say much.

but he continued on, keeping me within his sight whenever he turned around.

i didn't want him right with me.

i was disappointed in me enough.

i was discouraged enough.

i didn't need his encouragement - it would have made me feel worse.

i walked along.

wrestling with myself.

i knew it would be hard.

i knew i would get discouraged.

i knew i would hurt.

i knew i hadn't trained enough, but i couldn't change that now.

so i walked.

continued walking.

continued moving forward. 

until the lookout.

there i stopped.

i let the breeze hit my face.

i let the aches and pains rest for a moment.

i looked out at the water.

the trees.

i said hi to God.

He and i hadn't chatted on the run at all.

so i said Hi to him with tears in my eyes.

that was it.

just Hi.

Dan waited for me.

honestly, i only stopped for about a minute.

no more.

but that minute was what i needed.

we ran the rest to the road.

i wanted to walk the road, but because the road also began the last loop i had the option to walk it now or on the last loop.

i ran the road back to the car, and actually ran past the car to the outhouse, with way more speed than i thought i could muster.

i changed shoes and socks for the last loop.

dan refilled my hydration pack.

refilled his pack with some snacks for the last loop.

and we were off.

walking the road.

i would not run it at all.

not a chance.

when we got to the trail

it was as though i had this new energy.

it was exciting to be on it again.

i was still slow.

but in my head i was thinking maybe i could make this last one my fastest one.

i was going to try.

i ran up some of the smaller hills.

when dan noticed it i told him what my goal for the last lap was.

so on our way we went.

but i was tired.

my feet weren't lifting as high as they had been.

i was slightly tripping here and there.

my feet were grazing the roots or rocks more.

it got hard again.

the huge downhill i had loved on the first loop, just past 11k, wasn't as fun.

it was painful.

but i kept on.

kept chatting with dan.

i was going to complete it, and i knew it.

even though i was going so slow. 

then it happened.

we only had about a kilometre left i believe.

i stepped onto 2 logs to cross some mud.

my right foot slipped between them and my left foot sunk right into the mud.

as soon as my foot hit the mud...

immediate tears.

my right ankle hurt but the foot in the mud was all i could see through the tears.

my right ankle had rolled months ago and i still had issues with it now and then.

when it slipped it hurt so much.

i stood there

on the logs

crying.

sobbing.

dan came back to me

*he had never been far from reach*

and he took my hand.

we walked off the log bridge together and up the hill.

he didn't let go until i loosened my grip.

on the next hill he took my hand again.

he was the strength, i needed, helping me up.

i let go at the top of the hill

and hobbled/ran down and continued on my way.

he didn't take off ahead until we were near the car and that's because he knew i wanted him to be ready to stop the time as soon as i finished.

i wanted to finish strong.

i tried to run the last tiny hill, 

but i couldn't.  

i walked it and ran out of the trees.

i continued on across the field to dan waiting at the car.

8h17m

i had just run a 40k trail run.

and turned 40 all on the same day.

i didn't cry.

i was all cried out.

after the run i gulped my Vitargo Post that we bought at the Sport Lab

and we went for frosty's at Wendy's.

then home to my 'surprise' birthday party

*i say surprise but my little girl told me that lots of people were going to be at our house for my birthday*

full of family, friends, slacklinening, food, ice cream cakes, and live music by Deni Gauthier.

it was a great evening to end my birthday.

it was a hard run.

it has taken a few days to actually process the event in my mind.

it was highly emotional.

it was a mental endurance as well as physical.

i felt on the verge of tears for the first couple days after it.

i didn't want to really talk about it much with anyone.

one night it was as though the dam broke and i cried.

i cried hard.

and i talked with dan about everything i felt and went through on that run.

the next day i was good to go.

in fact while i was sweeping the living room i had a brief thought

"i should maybe go for a run tonight."

yeah... maybe not yet.

what, are you crazy?

*photos taken by me & dan q.

with Chester

*last 2 photos taken by elisa m. 

with Gertie.

one week! EEK!

last week i ran my first ever trail race.

I LOVED IT!

seriously, it was so much fun.

i ran the 14k race at The Limberlost Challenge.

*flashback to 2 weeks before*

i agreed to run 26k on the Limberlost trails with my husband.

that would be almost 2 full loops of the 14k trail.

so we got a babysitter and headed out early saturday morning.

i was nervous. 

and excited.

26k.

on a trail.

i always heard that a trail feels much longer than a road run.

in fact the 14K trail loop is pretty much equivalent to 20k road.

so, after having run a half marathon on road and knowing how my body hurt, i was nervous to run a 26k trail.

we took the first loop quite slow.

we walked the uphills, and ran everything else.

i stopped to admire the view a couple times.

i held a conversation with dan the whole time.

i loved running through the beautiful trail.

we got to the car.

i took a quick stop at the outhouse and we refilled my camelbak

and away we went for lap 2.

"what was i doing? 2 laps is crazy!"

the bugs were bad on the road leading back to the trail.

but, back on the trail we headed.

i was a little sore, but ready to do it.

i was determined to have a good attitude no matter what.

i was running in a beautiful place, with my husband.

i was going to enjoy it.

i sped up for the second lap.

no stopping to admire views.

running up the smaller hills, or at least part of the hills.

still walking the big or long ones.

still chatting some of the time with dan.

my body felt great.

i felt great.

i sprinted out of the trail to the car.

i had done it!

i had run 26k on the trail and felt better than i did when i had finished the half marathon.

first loop was run in 2h30m. 14k

second loop was 2h1m.  12k

*fast forward to last weekend*

it was race day!

i wasn't feeling too nervous, since i knew i ran 2 loops and felt really good.

but it is a race, so the nerves were still there.

Dan was running the 56k, it started at 8am.

(see his final results HERE *third place)

my race started at 8:40am.

there were some MARs runners in it so i had a chance to see them before i lined up

and away we went.

i kept my pace slow at the beginning.

i just planned on enjoying every moment.

there were so many people running it so the trail got congested at moments.

i began to work my way up from the back.

the other runners were great.

i ran with some, when i liked their pace.

i had conversations with some.

i met some who had run the race a few times, and others who were like me and running their first.

it was such a great time.

while i was running with one lady she made a comment about how she didn't think she could do it in 2 hours this year.

i realized i wanted to do it in 2 hours.

so off i went.

within the last 6k i caught up to one lady i had run with at the beginning.

i liked her pace, so i stayed with her.

she said she didn't know if she'd make it in under 2 hours.

i told her lets try for it.

so we encouraged each other and aimed for 2 hours, or a little less.

we ran out of the trees and to the finish line.

there were my kids and my parents cheering my name!

i loved having them there.

then i heard a couple MARs runners cheer for me as i passed the line.

2hours 3minutes!

(see my final result HERE *142nd)

i had so much fun.

we hung out the rest of the day waiting for my husband.

i saw him at the end of lap 2, then lap 3.

finally he came in just below 6 hours.

he had a goal to try to beat 6 hours and he did it!

so now we come to this week.

i have 1 week left before my big 40k run on my 40th birthday.

that will be almost 3 full laps of the same trail i just spoke about.

i can do 1...i can do 2...3 laps is scary.

but i'm as trained as i am going to be.

i am going to have fun and enjoy each lap.

i will enjoy the beauty of God's creation as i run through it all.

i will bring Chester (my phone) so i can get a couple photos on the run 

-because that's what i do-

i will chat with dan.

i will think about the hard work that got me there.

i will think about the accomplishment it is.

i will thank the Good Lord for the ability to run at all.

i will thank Him for my friends and family who have supported me on this crazy adventure.

i am going to hurt at times.

i may even cry.

but i will do it.

i will head out on each lap and take it as it's own lap.

i will kill mosquitos

so...

one week.

craziness.

can't believe it's already so close.

21k

i ran my first ever half marathon on June 13th.

(band on the run)

i did even better than i thought i would.

2:28:52

i just wanted to do it under 2:30.  

i did it.

i had so much fun running it.

seriously.

oh, i began to hurt near the end.

i wished i was already done when i still had a few k left.

but then i had a couple friends call to me from across the street and cheer for me...

and i suddenly had the energy to finish strong.

to speed up that little bit.

i love that about encouragement.

i felt like i was at my end, and those cheers, those words "Go Michelle!"

the boost i was in need of.

i was nearing the turn around (about 3-4k from it maybe)

when i began to see the forerunners.

i couldn't help but smile when i saw them heading toward me.

i smiled, cheered some of them and even clapped for some of them.

it was so exciting for me to see them.

they were an encouragement to me.

last year most people at the race were random faces in the crowd.

then my husband joined the running club here in town.

this spring i began to go to the fun runs they held.

i got to know them all a little.

on my first ever half marathon i knew the faces of some of the other runners.

i could cheer for them by name.

one of them even encouraged me by name which made me laugh.

(he spoke before i could)

i couldn't help but smile at everyone.

i truly had a fun run.

crossing the finish line and hearing people cheer for me was a wonderful feeling.

i had done it.

i had raced my first ever half marathon.

and didn't feel like i was going to die.

i just need to sit down and get some food.  

but, i wasn't going to die.

my girl ran her first ever 1K

my boy ran his second ever 5K 

(the first one was earlier in the week)

he ran it with my husband.

i usually want to be at the end cheering each of them on when they cross the finish,

but this year i loved hearing them cheer and receive their hugs as they were proud of me.

i have worked hard.

i did it.

however...

the half marathon was still only a stepping stone in my training for my 40k on my 40th.

next step:

14K trail race

at The Limberlost Challenge

*photo taken by me 

with Gertie

not edited.

*just less than* 4 months to go

last wednesday i realized that i had 4 months exactly until my 40K run.

that's not very long.

i had been slacking in my running schedule so that realization hit hard.  

i had just run 11K the weekend before.  

that was a difficult run, i was pretty worn out after.  

so the thought of running 40K began to scare me.

yet, not enough to abandon the plan.

i ran 12.3K this past weekend 

- it was supposed to be a 13K run, but i missed a section - 

completely forgot about it once i got out there running.  

but man, i felt good.

tired and worn out but felt strong most of the run.

my 6k this morning was a little tiring.  

may have something to do with the fresh wet snow that we got overnight.

or may have something to do with 12.3k did tire me out.

and snowshoeing with the family yesterday added to my body tiredness.

but the fact that i checked my schedule this morning and said to myself

"oh, it's just a 6K"

ya.. just a 6K.

i had to check myself and realize i truly did think it's JUST a 6K, that a 6K is an easier run for me now.

that encouraged me as i have less than 4 months until my 40K.  6K better feel easier.

in 2 months my husband is running his first 50Mile race.

the Cayuga50.  it looks like it will be an amazing day:  check it out

we have just booked our campsite for our trip.  

i am so excited for him.  He is training so hard for this race.

and i'm excited for myself... 

i'm bringing my camera so while he runs i will be hiking and adventuring with my beloved Gertie.  

in 2 and a half months i am running my first ever half marathon here at home: check it out here

*note my toque in above picture. got it for registering early*

yes, the thought currently scares me but i know i can do it. 

i will do it.

so instead of focusing on my 40Km run i'm needing to focus on my half marathon.  

it's a smaller goal.  

it is in line with my training for the 40K so i just need to think of the half and concentrate on being able to do it.

i pray that my new found love for running is an encouragement to my kids, and husband. 

yes, i took this upside-down and it's staying that way

for my family and friends.  

i'm doing something i never thought possible... actually i never thought about it at all.

i'm excited to have this goal.

yes, there are other things out there in life and the world that are more important than a lady wanting to run 40KM.  i get it.  

this is not a world changing event.  

but this is a personal decision, a personal goal.  

a goal to be healthier, to encourage others, to be proud of the woman God made me.  

to push a physical limit, and rely on God to give me strength, courage, determination.  

i can't do it without Him.  

my running has been a gift from Him.

i feel better about myself after a run.  i wrestle with Him during a run sometimes.

He has gifted me with the ability to run.  

He has given me a husband who loves to run and it has been amazing to be able to be encouraged by my husband and to encourage him through our runs.  

i get it when he wants to go for a run to clear his head.  or to do a 50M race.  

sure 50M is crazy... but i get it.  

and to run on a trail in the middle of our favorite place to be - the woods.

running has given me the ability to grow my endurance.  

i can hike out back with the kids and be the last in line because they want daddy to lead 

- not because mommy is worn out and needs to walk slower for a bit.  

my kids are both running at Band on the Run too.  and they are excited about it.  

so no, i'm not going to solve the world's issues with my run.

but i believe that for me it is making me a better wife and mother.  

and that, my friends, is very important to me.   

*unfortunately i will not be doing my 3rd Tough Mudder in Aug as i had hoped.  

maybe i'll be back at it next year.

Am i nuts?!?!

Way back...

August 2010 i wrote my first post on this blog.

it was about pink eye.  

yep, that's me, always full of exciting stories.

in that same month i wrote my second post.  

read it here: Running

for those who do not want to go read another post right now here's a little of what i said.

My husband and brother just ran their first Marathons in July.  the training was crazy! I was happy to be running 1 km and Dan was running 30km.  he is a runner - I am not.  But I'll tell you, I am at least becoming someone who does enjoy going for a run for the fitness/health of it.  and I miss it when I go too long between.  i have no plans to ever do a marathon but I do want to, next year, do the 10km Terry Fox Run.

that was August 2010.

it's now December 2014.  

and i will say it.

I am a runner.

that's right.

those who have followed this blog for any length of time have noticed it has become about my kids, 

my husband and me... 

and a whole lot of running.  

so i am now here to tell you something i have thought about and planned for about half a year now.  

i was out for a run, a longer run, probably 10-15K.

and i was thinking about running.  

i was training for the Band on the Run 10K.

as well as working on my endurance for Tough Mudder.

while i was running, thinking about running, i realized how much i was enjoying it.

i was already running greater distances than i ever thought my body could do.

i was actually thinking that maybe, just maybe, i could run the half marathon at Band on the Run in 2015.  

my mind continued from there.

i'm turning 40 in 2015.  

people do crazy things when they turn 40.  

some mid-life crisis thing.

maybe i should train for a marathon on my 40th..

no, that's crazy.

haha, yes, i thought that was crazy.

but i wasn't crazy.

i wanted a significant event on my birthday.

how about 40K on my 40th.  

not a road 40K.

but a 40K trail run with my husband.

that would be so much fun.

yes, i think i was delirious on my run, 

because i honestly thought that would be fun.

even when i got home i thought about it and liked the idea.

it took me a few weeks to tell my husband about my idea. 

if i told him i would have to commit to it.

i have since then told a few others about my plan.

some think i'm nuts.

others think it's a great idea.

others say "why don't you just run a marathon...it's 42K".

my answer to that.

"i'm not turning 42.  i'm turning 40.  i want to run 40K trail on my 40th."

so today began my training.

i ran 3.5K as soon as the kids got on the bus.

easy peasy lemon squeazy (as my girl now says).

i am signing up for the half marathon as soon as i can.

i may even sign up for the 14K trail run at The Limberlost Challenge, 

but we'll see if it fits in my training schedule.

it's going to hurt a lot at times.

i'm going to want to quit.

the month after i turn 40 and running my 40K i will be going to do my 3rd Tough Mudder.

am i nuts?

possibly.

am i loving the life and the abilities God has blessed me with?

yes.

am i hoping i can encourage others with my story of dislike to love of running?

yes. 

am i excited that my running is encouraging my kids to run?

yes.

my son wants to run the 5K Band on the Run race with his daddy. 

when i don't run i have less energy.

less endurance.

i eat less healthy things.

when i run i want to eat better...especially grapefruits.

i feel better in the day.

i fit clothes better, that feels good.

i can play with the kids or go hiking and not be as out of breath as fast.

so, call my running 40K on my 40th a mid-life crisis if you want.

i don't see it as such.

i'm not in a panic that i'm turning 40 and that my grey hairs are becoming quite obvious.

i'm excited that at 39 i can run and i can believe i will accomplish this goal.

follow me on my journey.