Esther

my ladies Bible study group is going through the Esther study by Beth Moore.

i am determined to do every piece of homework for this study.

to truly learn and grow during it.

My version of the cover of the workbook

i have never finished a study book.. actually finished ever day of homework.. ever.

in any Bible study at TLC, or on my own.

this one.

i knew i needed to be there.

i am determined to let God speak to me through Beth and her words - she has a lot of them.

i have been raised with the story of Esther.

Beth Moore is making me see it in a new light.

learning history of it.

what the culture was like.

thinking about the people involved, putting myself in their shoes.

I love imagining how i would feel as a person.

it gives me an insight into the person and what they'd be going through.

i wanted to share with you a couple times i was asked to imagine what the person was going through.

week 2 day 5 i wrote what i believed would be Esther's journal entry when she became queen.

*Esther Chapter 2*

"i'm queen!  i, Esther, orphaned daughter of Abihail and his wife, adopted daughter and cousin to Mordecai.  I am now wife to Xerxes, King of Persia.  What has happened?  How did this happen?  Thank the Lord!  

I don't know why i'm here, or even how i got here - it now seems all a blur.  But, i am Queen of Persia.  I never expected this.  Oh sweet, kind Hegai, i am thankful to you and your kindness.  Your wisdom and advice.  I thank the Lord for you.  

I can't sleep!  I AM Queen!  this is really happening...

oh... poor Vashti...

I'm sorry.

beloved Mordecai... I miss you."

Week 4, day 2 

Ester was informed that Mordecai was at the gates in sackcloth and ashes, 

Her eunuch reports back to her with Mordecai's words as to why he is there.  

telling her she must approach the king to right this wrong.

I was asked to imagine the scene.

*Esther 4*

As soon as Hathach entered her presence she could tell something was not right.  She approached him, looking into his eyes.  He hesitated, but she encouraged him to talk, to tell her what Mordecai said.  

I think Hathach went into the narrative, then revealing the copy of the edict that Mordecai gave him.  He explained it as she sat down, stunned, shaking her head.  

it couldn't be true.

He reexplained it and then proceeded to urge her to go to the King.

She stands suddenly, knocking her chair over.  She can't do that!

Hathach knows better than that.  she could be killed.

He reminds her what is at stake, what Mordecai said.  She grasps the table to steady herself.

Feeling faint, feeling sick.  

She gives Hathach her answer and sends him to Mordecai.

She drops to another chair and cries.

She can do nothing.

Today, week 7, day 2

esther had her second banquet with the King and Haman, his most trusted advisor.

i was asked to picture the scene when Esther tells the King her request, and mentions Haman is the one behind the destruction of the Jews... also revealing that she is a Jew.

*Esther 7*

i wrote:

the banquet was on it's final stage.  The wine.

Stomachs were full.  Conversation had slowed.  

laughter died away as King Xerxes leaned in toward Esther, his wife, his Queen.

he is anxious to know what her request is.

he puts a hand on his queen's hand.

she's sipping some wine, composing her plea in her mind.

her hand slightly trembles as she sees and feels her king's touch.  

She places her glass down.

after a quick glance at Haman, her husband's most trusted advisor, and enemy to her people, she looks at Xerxes.

Fear evident in her eyes.

He asks her what it is she desires.  even up to half the kingdom.

if only he knew what she was about to say.

Haman is reclining, smiling, enjoying his wine and his position with the king and queen.  curious about what the Queen must want that would have made her so bold as to enter the king's presence without being summoned.

Xerxes has asked.

Esther sits up taller.  chin raised.  confident on the outside, a mess on the inside.

She says her request with more boldness than she believed she had.  When she says 'her people' the truth is out.  She is a Jew.  She is also Queen...for now.

Honesty emboldens her.

Xerxes lets go of her hand.  He drops back into this seat.  processing quickly what she, his queen, his wife has said.  She is a Jew, she is going to be killed.  someone is going to kill the Queen..

HIS queen!

Esther cannot look away from Xerxes eyes, as she watches his emotions change, as he processes her request.  She will not look at Haman.

Haman is frozen.  His smile is gone.  He gulps.  He stares at his wine glass and is gripping it so tightly.  The queen is a Jew!

He did not know that.  with a quick glance he looks at her.

he should have known. 

she has lied to the king, she will be punished.

He then glances over at his king.

he sees rage building in those eyes, on that face.

the king fears treason! in his own palace.  

Xerxes wants to know who would do that to him?

 he leans forward, gritting his teeth, he asks his question again.

Who would do such a thing?

The Queen has been waiting for this.

two meals pretending to respect Haman and now she answers with a calmness she did not expect.

She speaks with respect to her king, but her words and her voice are obviously laced with disgust with Haman and his plot.

Haman hoping she would not have known it would be him, she was just the queen anyway.

but she said it, did he see her glance his way as she said his name?

He looks to the king for his reaction.  The king needs him, he'll see this was not against him.  He'll calm down and realize how important Haman is to him.

But as soon as the Queen reveals the name the king stands.  his eyes lock on Haman.

Haman knows right then that there is no changing the king's mind.  someone is going to die.

Xerxes looks at his queen.  Human knows then...

it will not be the queen.

Esther looks at Xerxes, awaiting his response.

She slowly looks again into his eyes, and then he turns and leaves the room, slamming the door behind him.

She lays back in her chair.

she can't, she won't look at Haman who is still there.

She closes her eyes.

she has done what she could do, it is now up to Xerxes to make his decision.

She wishes Haman would leave.

These are my own take on moments, on thoughts, of the people that are in the book of Esther in the Bible.

for me it brings it to life.

it was a real event, and for me i enjoy putting myself in their heads.

maybe it's my love for acting, for people watching..

but for me these moments in the homework give me pause to think about the emotions, that go along with the events.